Sunday, July 31, 2005

The Obvious...

Big Daddy axes: Oh, what did everyone here think of the movie Cold Mountain?

Well I'm sure this particular answer is gonna shock everyone...

If I had my way... I'd very much like to find the sorry director of that trash and cut an 8-inch slit in his belly... with a rusty and mostly dull blade... then I'd get a great deal of satifaction by pulling out his small intestine.. wrapping around his kneck and choking him to death with it.

There are numerous.. horrific and unforgivable examples of Hollywood stupidity there. The rampant departures from the novel are the most infuriating. The wench wife... which no one could force themselves to tolerate...

I'm supposed to believe that the main character is going to leave his buddy's to go home to that worthless, bitchy little strumpet? Not bloody likely. I'll take war over that anyday.

Who could forget the most egresiously stupid line in movie history... "Charleston was built on slaves and skirts." Ah yes... here we're supposed to admire the feminist who sees a paralell between the oppression of women and slavery...

Isn't that special.

Never mind that neither has any relevance to the city of Charleston.

I simply have no patience for Hollywood's habit of re-writing novels in movie form. No doubt this is related to the fact that they pick out good novels... then market the movies as faithful to them... when actually they've totally raped the story and characters... warping them to fit their own sickening leftist worldview.

You do realize that in the book he wasn't a deserter right?

Friday, July 29, 2005


Yee Haww!

Yeah.. we changed the name tonight! In honor of Kristy of course... Throw one back for the girl if ya get the chance.

Well so where do we start? I'm sittin' here tossin' back a handful of Bud Ice... Bud But Ices? WTF ever.... Bud Ice... Plural... really plural... Much Plural..

Anyway... I've been blastin' "Red Eyes on a Mad Dog"... "Carney Man"... and "Mystery Train". Top that playlist!

This reminds me... I love train songs... Folsom Prison Blues... Lonesome Whistle... Long Black Train... I love 'em all. You got a favorite train song?

Oh wait.. sorry.. I have to throw down for a second..


ok... thats better... see.. The Gourds version of Gin and Juice rolled up... and well.. it caught me off guard. Fact is.. a man has GOT to groove to that shit.. assumin' he's got groove in him anyway... and believe me when I say... I have groove in me. Elvis ain't got shit on me people. That's a fact.

Now... Lets see... where was I... oh yeah... BOOZE!

So the ladies are fixing to try some strawberry wine for the first time. Neither's had it before... I figure it will be mere moments before their both mostly nekkid... well.. maybe not.. but that's ok.. White Russians are the backup plan. If they make it through both without losing clothes.. I'll be shocked... stunned... mystified....bumfuzzled... and well... disappointed.

Did I mention we're fixing to snuggle up with the extended version of Return of the King?

I forgot that part? My bad. tough life ain't it?

Well I shouldn't get ahead of myself... the movie is only comin' on if manage to pry myself off the porch swing... and that's no guarantee... I can definately see myself chillin' on the swing for a while.

HOT DAMN! I just got a call from the girl herself! Kristy's doin' fine y'all. Feels like she's got boobs on her chin... and she's hurtin'... but hey... they make drugs for that shit. She says hi.

Anyway... I'm off to curl up on the couch with Jeb... we've got an evenin' ritual ya know... we lay on the couch and watch Tom and Jerry together until bedtime.

After that... the the boozin' commences...

Y'all keep 'em straight... I'll be checkin' in off and on.

And say... y'all... I sincerely hope yer havin' at least half as much fun as I am... cause that'd be one helluva time in its own right.

Keep 'em straight.
Kristy's On the Table

Elective or not... Surgery is Surgery. She's finally gettin' the boobs she's been talkin' about gettin' for... well... hell... As long as I've known her.

Ya know.. the great thing about boob jobs is the sudden willingness of those who've had them.. to show off the results. Seriously! They'll show guys they barely know! No pun intended...

Anyway... The girl's in for a rough few days. Its often described as waking up and feelin' like you've got 12 elephants standin' on your chest. No good.

Lots of pain... but hell... Who can argue with the results?

Should make for a helluvan ATF post though... Guns Booze and Boobs! What else ya want?

Thursday, July 28, 2005

Point Lookout

At every turn... the South is slapped in the face with Andersonville. I'm sure you know what happened at Andersonville... as any percieved attrocity of the South is required knowledge for every American school aged child. One wonders how many of you know about Point Lookout?

Point Lookout is one of the many Yankee Andersonvilles, that they don't tell you about in school.

Because of the topography, drainage was poor, and the area was subject to extreme heat in the summer and cold in the winter. This exacerbated the problems created by inadequate food, clothing, fuel, housing, and medical care. As a result, approximately 3,000 prisoners died there over 22 months.

It is estimated that a total of 52,264 (WOR) prisoners, both military and civilian, were held there. Although it was designed for 10,000 prisoners, during most of its existence it held 12,600 to 20,000 inmates.

The camp's Provost Marchall was Mjr. Brady assisted by Mjr. Gen. Benjamin Butler.

Benjamin Butler... Name sound familiar? How about Ben "The Butcher" Butler? That ring any bells?

Probably not...

See.. when yankees burn crops... destroy livestock... and starve entire populations... they make movies about the poor yankee prisoners who unfortunately died as a result.

But when yankees who have plenty of food available, starve southron prisoners out of sheer damned meaness... well that gets swept out to sea.. along with the graves of the dead. And them that done it get promoted... and eventually are given Governorship over whole states.

Piss on Ben Butler. He's rotting in Hell right now... and I for one sleep better knowing that.

O I'm a good old rebel, Now that's just what I am,
And for this Yankee nation, I do not give a damn'
I'm glad I fought against her, I only wish we'd won,
I ain't asked any pardon, for anything I've done...

I rode patroll with Healy, For four years, near about,
Got wounded in three places, And starved at Point Lookout,
I cought the rheumatism, A camping in the snow,
But I killed a chance of Yankees, and I'd like to kill some more...

Three hundred thousand Yankees, Lie stiff in Southern dust,
We got three hundred thousand, Before they conquered us,
They died of Southern fever, And Southern steel and shot,
And I wish it was three million, Instead of what we got...

I can't take up my musket, And fight 'em now no more,
But I ain't gonna love 'em, Now that is sartin sho,
And I don't want no pardon, For what I was and am,
I won't be reconstructed, And I do not give a damn...


I suppose we all know where this is going right? There's a very good reason the first android ever made was a female... and I know exactly what you're all thinkin'... cause I'm thinkin' the same thing...

Is she self-lubricating?

This quote from the article is just to good to pass up... "Repliee Q1 can interact with people. It can respond to people touching it. It's very satisfying, although we obviously have a long way to go yet."

This is one of the funniest things I've seen in a long time. Please pay particular attention to the paniced yankee chick in the background. "OhmyGod OhmyGod"

Stuff like this just entertains me to no end. Stupid people... being stupid... and getting injured in the process. It's the best. If you'd like to read up on the actuall details of the event... you can do so here. Please note that the boy suffered broken sinus bones, and several internal lacerations.

Well hell... it just never occured to him that a 600 pound fish might decide to jump on him while it was thrashin' about.

I ain't no damned angler.... that's for sartin' shore... but I'm smart enough to figure out that you don't want a fish that damned big jumpin' in your direction.

Wednesday, July 27, 2005

Bad Joke Wednesday

- What do you get when Steve Jobs hires and fires a lot of people in six months?
Apple turnover.

- Once upon a time, in a far-off land, there was an ice cream truck driver named Bob. Everyone in the neighborhood knew when Bob's truck was driving by because of the giant inflatable clown head that he'd strapped to the roof. The clown head had speakers in it, and as Bob drove by he would talk into a little microphone, saying things like, "Hey, kids, buy ice cream!" And lo and behold, it sounded just like the giant inflatable clown head itself was talking. Bob liked his job because he got to make kids happy and eat a lot of ice cream himself. And so it went, for many years.

Until one day, the government of the far-off land decided to outlaw ice cream.
Yes, all of a sudden, the treats that Bob once sold had become controlled substances. Bob, fearing for his job, quickly converted his ice cream truck into a tuna-fish truck, but he kept the clown head and the speakers for old times' sake.

But instead of turning in his stocks of ice cream to the government, he kept them in the basement of his house, and every day he would take out a popsicle or a sundae cone and eat it in the privacy of his home. It got so Bob would eat more and more ice cream every day, which made him a bit of a jumpier person than he had been before, but nobody seemed to mind.
And so it happened that one day, Bob was rather erratically driving his tuna-fish truck around the neighborhood, having just eaten two pudding pops and an orange creamsicle. He picked up his microphone, as he had done so many times before, but when he switched the microphone on, the sugar buzz kicked in, and all he could say was: "T'nnufidgeiss ver'gyood! Buy'tnaow!"

And that's when Bob realized that he had a problem.

A problem...with truck head diction.

- Why did the man jump off the Empire State Building?
He wanted to make a hit on Broadway.

- Why did the sheep jump into the lake?
He wanted to take a ba-a-a-th.

- I spilled some coffee. My wife called it grounds for divorce.

- What connects the computers in Sauron's office?
A Tolkien Ring network.

- Why should you never run in front of a bus?
You will get tired.

- Why should you never run behind a bus?
You will get exhausted.

- Why are there so many Smiths in the phone book?
Because so many of them own phones.

Tuesday, July 26, 2005

But Why?

The question has been posed twice now...

If the US could be restored to a Constitutional Republic, would you still support secession?

The Southern Party's official position is no.

My position is an emphatic yes.

The people of the South have a very different idea of government than people in the Northeast, and West Coast. I first realized this when I was just begining my own historical study into the causes of the war.

As a pet project, I went and dug up voting records.... lots and lots of congressional voting records. I decided to look at three major areas... because well... it was just to much to look deeper... a man only has so much time...

So I focused on large spending bills, defense bills, and taxation. I looked up all the bills in these areas for the last 50 years. What I found was that party affiliation was a very poor predictor on how a particular congressman would vote. The single best predictor, was the region of the country his state was in.

For example... a Democrat from TN was more likely to vote against a tax bill than a Republican from NY. A Republican from Maine was less likely to vote for a defense increase than a Democrat from Alabama.

This may seem like old news to you now... but I was figurin' this stuff out back in 1998, when everyone still thought the South liked Democrats. This was a pretty radical idea back then.

The South and North see things profoundly differently. The North favors large, centralized, powerful government, and the feel-good buzz it provides. The South was settled largely by a bunch of half-wild Irishmen who just wanted the government that would leave them the hell alone.

See... Restoring the Republic is not going to fix this problem. It's just hitting reset, and waiting for the same thing to happen again.

If the people of the North want big government... why should they not have it? Indeed they should have it. It's their right to be governed as they see fit. I don't want to force limited government on them. I just want limited government for me and mine.

Jefferson said it would take a miracle to get the people of the North and the South to get along in the same country... and that was a long time before the War for Southron Independence. He knew what we all now know.

Culturally the South and North are totally different and in many ways antithetical. Our beliefs on key issues are just mutually exclusive. You cannot have low taxes, and big government at the same time. You cannot practice social engineering, and have an unabrusive government.

We are two seperate cultures. We have different priorities. We have different traditions. We have different values.

We should also have different governments.
Southron Independence

So... Where exactly do you stand on that whole "self determination" thing? Does a people have a God given right to govern themselves? Or is it all might makes right?

Can you think of any legal union that cannot also be legally desolved?

Lets just talk about your state for a moment... where ever that state is...

Are the people of your state to stupid and incompetent to deal with matters themselves? Ok... if you're from west Virginia don't answer that... in fact... you just sit in the corner... I'll deal with you later...

But you other folks.. from legitimate states... Do you need to rely on the wisdom and intellect of the East Coast to solve your problems? Are the people of North Carolina to stupid to deterime what is appropriate and what is not in their own state? Must they depend on 100 or so residents of Washington, DC... only 2 of which are actually from the relevant state, to keep them on the straight and narrow?

Did God grant one certain people the right to Self Determination? If it was indeed granted everyone... then why is secession from the Soviet Union acceptable... while secession from the United States is unthinkable?

The Soviets fought several wars... just like the ever so inaccurately labeled US Civil War... and the big boys won. Yet years later... the states seceded... with the support of the US government.

If the War settled matters here... why didn't it settle matters there?

The answers to these questions all lead to the same uncomfortable place. The South was Right. The South was well within its rights to secede, and no act of violence can change that.

Monday, July 25, 2005

Told Ya

Proof Here. If Sinister Clinton supports him.... He is not a conservative. He's a commie. Rest assured... she knows something we don't. It goes beyond presidential politics. If she thought he would hamstring her post-08 plans for SCOTUS, she would be raisin' a stink.

The new justice's liberal credentials have been verified folks.

Grab your ankles.
Whack'em, Stack'em. London Style.

I've written.. countless times that police officers are not there to prevent crime. They are there, to control crowds, protect the politicians, collect taxes, and clean up the mess.

Whenever they get a wild hare.. and decide to actually attempt to save someone... you can rest assured that innocents are about to die. More often than not, its the very people who call the police in the first place who end up gettin' shot... tazed... or beaten to death.

I recall the teacher in Chicago... she was being threatened by a gang of thugs... she held them off with her snubby .38 while she made the fatal mistake of dialing 911. The cops got there... and despite her telling them that she had a gun and was holding the thugs off with it... who did they shoot?

Did they shoot the four thugs dressed in gang colors? No. They shoot the 40-year-old female school teacher.... who had just called them to come help her.

Ah... but what did the cops see? She had a gun! she could've shot one of those boys! She was stupid! She deserved to get shot! It's not the cops' fault! Isn't it interesting that the same excuses we heard then, are still being used today... and they're still working.

I can't help but think of John Cleese in a Flying Circus News Broadcast...

"And in a terrible bit of news it seems that some arabic terrorists have blown up some people in the tubes... perhaps a bus as well... 53 dead... In response, the police scared the hell out of a brazilian electrician, then shot him 5 times in the face when he ran away. Back to you Sally."

Have ya thought about this?

Seems to me that a lot of folks who are slammin' on this particular dead Brazilian are also the concealed carry types. Ya know... concealin' a weapon requires layers. Even if its 95 degress outside.

So... if its hotter than Blue Hell out... and a cop sees me walkin' around in bluejeans, boots, a tight undershirt and a really baggy shirt on top of that... Does that mean he can shoot me? I could have a bomb under there after all.

SCOTUS has confirmed that the cops have no legal responsibility to help you when you call. Thats the most concrete evidence I can give you to explain what their jobs really are.

They are there to keep ya'll from going mob on the elected officials of the community. They are their to see that you sit down and shut up. They are the enforcers.

I'll end this with the same familiar advice I was given by the police captain who taught our concealed carry class.

If something ever happens... you handle it yourself. Once its handled, you call the cops. You tell them who you are, and what happened. You make sure when they arrive that they see that you are the good guy. Your hands should be up and in plain site when they arrive.

Like the man said... The cops may only know that they are going to investigate a shooting. They are gonna arrive scared.

You want nothing to do with a bunch of scared cops.

Friday, July 22, 2005


Ya know... it's times like these when I don't know if I should be thankful for RC... or medicre bourbon. Without RC... I'd never get rid of this Elijah Craig... but without the Elijah Craig... What would I mix with my RC?

A question for the ages boys... no doubt. Yup... Which came first... the Bourbon or the Coke?

The ladies.. WhiskeyGirl and DrWho... are sippin' White Grenache... Vella... yeah.. more boxed wine. I'll hear nothing more from the peanut gallery. Knock it when ya try it. White Grenache is actually not a white wine at all. It's sort of a peachy color... very sweet... very fruity. It's a mexican meal wine. It's perfect for the girls to sip on while the boys are tossin' back the Dos Equis.

Well.. The girls are out on the glider... no reason for me to be inside alone. Y'all have fun out there... I'm gonna sip some booze... flirt with the girls.... and maybe watch Constantine.

The Religion of Peace

Did ya see this? He wants to see the flag of Islam flying over the whole world. But no... there is no Jihad... right? It's just some extremists who've hijacked the religion...


I sit and listen to some twit on FoxNews claim that this cleric is not a religious leader... because what he's saying is inflamatory... Ahhh... So... it's not possible to be both. I suppose once it comes to light that virtually all clerics feel this way... then what? Then do we just say that there aren't really any clerics at all?

Such is the way of Big Brother. Religious Leader.. or Terrorist.. but never both. Sure.. Sure... He's speaking in a Mosque... and he has several hundered followers... but he's not a religious leader... because... ummm... he's saying things that don't fit with our sanatized image of Islam.

Read that article and pay attention. It's not one lone voice in the wilderness. You go to any muslim student center on any campus in America, and you will hear that exact same thing. Islam is a religion founded not by a theologen or philosopher... but a warlord.

Man I'm just pissed today.

We give up more and more freedom... While our leaders refuse to even identify who it is we're fighting.

The whole thing makes me sick.
I Just Don't Like Fat People

Say what ya what... bein' fat ain't the same thing as being black.. or asian... or female. You're fat because you eat more than you exercize. You sit on your bloated lazy ass, and stuff bon-bons down your throat.

Richard Simmons will cry and hold your hand.

I would kick you in the fat ass if I wasn't afraid I'd lose my foot.

Ya know... the other day they had to try to operate on a 600 pound man... seems he'd developed an infected scrotum... because his pecker was buried under all that fat, and he couldn't get it out to urinate.

When I say buried.. understand... they had a Urologist in there with a fiber-optic scope trying to find the man's dick... just so they could try to put a foley cath in. The Urologist finally stopped and said... "Well... I think I got it... but I'm not sure."

How can you pity someone who is so fat they've lost their own dick???

And who's paying for these fat bastards to get treated?

I am. You are. We are.

How is it that we got a law about seatbelts... and motorcycle helmets... because you know.. they keep insurance rates down.. but we got no law against Fat???

How about them apples? Check you ass at the DMV. You're over 400 pounds.. its off to surgery buddy... we're staplin' your damned stomach. By God you'll lose some weight then.

How much do you think the Mr I-can't-find-my-pecker's of the world increase our insurance?

And what's worse... is the attitude these people have... They come to the hospital stinking to high Heaven... then they act like its their right to be that damned fat, and there is something wrong with any doctor who tells them otherwise.

I couldn't be a doctor. Mostly, because I'd simply tell every one of the fat scum to get off their lazy asses and lose some weight, because I wasn't treating them until they did. Why would any doctor look to care for someone who is utterly unwilling to care for themselves? Piss on 'em.

Oh I know... I'm supposed to feel sorry for them...

Tell me... Do you feel sorry for the adultress? Gluttony is one of the Seven Deadly Sins.. Just like Lust. Double standard there huh? Oh yeah... but who are they hurtin' you ask?

Me. By stinking. By looking ever so repugnant and foul. But mostly by stinking.

Oh I'm sure there are a million people offering them advice on how to lose that weight too... but ya know what? It just ain't complex.

Get off your fat ass.

Walk. Run. Jump. Move around you lazy piece of crap! Put down the cheetos for cryin' out loud.

One more example... Chick comes in to birth a baby... she's so damned fat she didn't even know she was pregnant... she's so damned fat she couldn't fit on a regular gurney... so they have to take her downstairs to the OR's to perform the C-Section...

She's so Damned Fat she breaks the elevator going down.

Broke it.

8 innocent people were stuck in an elevator... with her stinking.. whining... pathetic bloated ass.. for 15 minutes... while the mechanics had to jack it up to the floor.. so the door would open.

Pity???? You want Pity???? Piss off. You get nothing from me but barely controlled contempt. I've refrained recently from going off on the truely bloated when I encounter them in public...

and ya know...

I regret that.

Wednesday, July 20, 2005

Mr Establishment

While the Lapdogs are busily licking the feet of their masters... ever so thankful for the perceived bone they've been thrown... I'd like to interupt the fun for a wee dose of reality.

Just what were the mistakes of the past?

Wasn't O'Connor a presumed conservative with a brilliant mind... albiet one with a limited track-record? And can the same be said of Kennedy? And Stevens? And Souter?

And here we are yet again... another nominee that many people say is conservative... but there is no evidence of such. Certainly non in the form of rulings or written opinions. 4 hours of searching last night turned up squat. Zilch. Nada. Nuthin'.

Where is he on the 2nd Amendment? Where is he on Baby-Killin'?

We don't know.

Ya think the libs wondered where Ginsburg stood on this stuff before they called her name? No. No they didn't. And that's why they don't screw up. They pick from the chosen few. They pick from the Disciples of the Cause.

Business Conservatives may be happy with the guy... Social Conservatives? Don't dare to hope. Everything about this guy says "I play by the rules, I respect the rules, I do as I'm told."

I desperately want to be wrong about this. I want this dude to knock a few out of the park. I'm not a fool though.

Fool me once... fool me 4 times?

Tuesday, July 19, 2005

The Cracks of Doom

Here that singin'? Its the fat lady... she's beltin' out the last dirge of Conservative Hope. As ever more the indications are that Bush will apoint this woman... to be the next Justice on the Supreme Court of the United States.

Please pay attention to this statement: She has stated that the Supreme Court "has clearly held that the right to privacy guaranteed by the Constitution includes the right to have an abortion" and that "the law is settled in that regard."

And with their heads firmly planted in the sand... many hopeless lap dogs will growl and sputter, "She's conservative on everything else!"

Not possible says I.

One who's convictions are so lame cannot possibly be counted on to maintain any level of strict competency once the politics of the court come into play.

What we're seeing my friends, is the appointing of another O'Connor. Mark my words. I can hear Bill now... "How was Bush supposed to know she'd go commie on us?"

Its as plain as the nose on her face.


The Lapdog Hannity is reporting that it is NOT Clement. The dark horse is the other Edith, Edith Jones. We shall see. Jones is far preferable though.

Monday, July 18, 2005


Moderation in all things we are told! Excess is the enemy! Alchoholics... The Bloated Worshippers of Sloth and Gluttony... The Greedy...

All the direct result of excess!

Nay say I! Moderation my friends! Always Moderation!

Moderation in all things! In fact... I even moderate my Moderation! With occasional Excess of course.

In fact I am doing so right now... I am moderating my moderations with a little excess.... bourbon? yes... bourbon...

Occasional Excess my friends! For you own good! Indeed.... who knows where unmoderated moderations could lead! Down a dark and scary path no doubt...

Fight it! Fight it!
TSHTF Rifles

This is a subject dear to my heart... and something that I doubt any of us here get tired of talkin' about...

Consequently I decided to share a secret or two...

First of all lets talk about circumstances. Just what is TSHTF? Well... It refers to a moment when the exriment and the oscillitory cooling device meet. Nuclear bomb goes off in the Continental US... Huge natural disaster causes mass public panic... Old Testiment Plagues... dogs and cats.. living together...

Mass Hysteria.

There are two distinctly different types of rifles that you need here....

1) Your duty gun. Think infantry rifle here. You want something reliable... something proven. Something that stops what needs stopped. You want something that you can stick a bayonet on the end of... and you want something you can smash someone's teeth in with. In other words, you want a big heavy usefull rifle. M1's go a long way. the SOCOM-16 is something that I highly recommend... as well as the FN-FAL. Let's face it... someone smashes you in the mouth with the butt of either of those, and you'll wish they'd shot you with it instead.

2) As awesome as those are... there is one more you need. You need a truck gun. This isn't the main defense weapon... no... that's your FN-FAL.. this is the gun that you have in your vehicle, that will help you get home... where your FN-FAL is. It needs to be compact, light, and very shootable. It needs to be in a common caliber in case you need to scavenge.

For this... I give you... The SU-16D. I strongly recommend you take a look. For the money.. you get an awefully useful tool. Folded up under the seat of your truck... it's tucked away comfy.. but always ready to go. Its short... so its easy to whip around inside your vehicle if you should have to. Its in .223.. which is easy to find... you should be able to snatch it off a plethora of dead folks in blue helmets.

Kel-tec is a smart company. They made the gun with a usefull range out to about 300 yards. That's perfect, because outside of 300 yards the .223 is useless anyway. Inside town... where this will be used... you're never gonna be takin' shots like that anyway. That range is plenty.

It's not the gun I'd choose to defend my house with... but it's a gun I may choose to get me to my house. It comes in several different forms... fold stocks.. collapsable stock.. some have built in bi-pods...

Way cool little gun.

Much better than that POS Mini-14.
Two for Two

I love these two. Seems like for the longest time, everyone we talked to about Jeb would have something negative to say about our next kid. Jeb slept so good... he was such an easy baby to get along with. People commented a lot. They'd say things like "Wait till the next one comes around!"

Well.. the next one came around.

I'm happy to say he's just as easy to get along with as Jeb was. Eli goes to sleep around 8.. maybe 7:30. He wakes up around 8.. or 9...

He takes at least 2 tw0-hour naps a day... and 3-hour naps are becoming more and more common. Long trips in the truck? No problem. He loves the truck. Grocery shoppin'? Errands? No problem. He loves gettin' out and seein' stuff. Chillin' in the swing by himself? No problem. He loves some alone time. He's got more of an attitude than Jeb did... he's a little quicker to pull the trigger... but he's also more patient in a few ways too.

Me and Jeb love havin' Eli around. He laughs at us... and hey... you probably would to if ya saw the way we run around the house and throw things at each other. Eli loves for me to sing... which you can imagine is torture to about everyone else in the house... but hey... If a rowdy rendition of "Ramblin' Man" is all it takes to keep a little one laughin' outloud... hell... what else do ya want?

Here's to little boys y'all.
New Blog!

I shall now direct your attention over to Kristy's new blog.. well... actually it's Kristy and Dave's new blog. See... Kristy... one of the original harem girls... and also one of my all-time favorite mistresses... is now married.

I'm still pretty distressed over it.

Don't get me wrong... I dig Dave... he's a great guy... and he's infinately amuzing... When it comes to picking on Kristy, he's an excellent tag-team partner. However... I mean come on... I don't know what the standard mourning period is when your mistress runs off and gets married... but I'm certain such a period exists.

Ahh.. but I can't argue with fate... Their both gagdet fanatics... they both love sports cars... and neither has really big boobs... though that might be changing before long.

OK... I reckon I've gotten myself in enough trouble... so go check out one of the newest Nashville blogs.


I have an unrelated protocol question. When a married man has a chick on the side... that chick is called his mistress. When a married woman has a fella on the side... that fella is called her??? Pool Boy? Backdoor Man? I'm at a loss here. Help a brotha out.

Sunday, July 17, 2005

Done Deal: Travis Henry to the Titans

Man... I've been sweatin' about this all summer. Finally got it done though. UT's all-time leading rusher... Cheese... Travis Henry... is comin' to play for the Titans.

We gave up a third round pick... which some are going to say is to much... and of course... we're going to laugh at all those people in about 3 months when Henry is averaging 4 or 5 yards per carry.

This is huge for Tennessee in two ways...

1) It gets us a one-two combo in the backfield that very few teams can match. Henry's power and determination... and Chris Browns deceptive speed and balance... Tasty.

2) It keeps Jacksonville grasping for straws. The Jags wanted Henry bad, but apparently they screwed around and let him slip away. That leaves them with Mr Glass (Fred Taylor) in the backfield... and no quality backup.

I am confident that Henry will be a huge contributor this year... and he may well end up beating out Brown for the starting job.

I picked up Henry late last year in my keeper league because I knew he would be traded. I thought it was worth a roster spot to take the chance. This is what I was hoping for. Even if Brown stays healthy... and that's a big if... Chow (Tennessee's Offensive Coordinator) has a history of using two backs, and distributing the work well. They'll likely be on the field at the same time pretty often.

Dammit... I am fired up!

Saturday, July 16, 2005


It certainly not hard to find clear examples of Evil in our society... but today I came across something that was special.

Apparently.... Up in Uniontown, PA... which is all of 15 minutes north of Morgantown, there's Tee-Ball league... and there was article on said Tee Ball league in today's newspaper...

I was bored and it caught my eye... and oh how I wish it hadn't.

See this one particular team had a disabled kid on it... Before that days game... all the sudden on his teamates nails him in the face with a baseball.... then when the little disabled boy falls down screaming and crying... the kid that hurt him calmly walks over, picks up the ball, and nails him again, this time in the groin.

You can imagine... everyone there freaked out. Parents and other adults came running over to see what the hell was going on...

The attacker just shrugged his shoulders and said, "The coach told me to do it. He gave me 25 bucks to hurt him so he wouldn't play in the game today and screw it up again. He's not any good."

Yeah. You read that right. The little disabled boy's coach not only told the kid to hurt him, he paid the kid to hurt the disabled boy, because he wanted to win a damned Tee-Ball game.

That is Evil friends. It is Evil in pure form. The cost may not be as severe as a bus bomb... but the Evil involved is just as raw.

The coach was arrested... he was charged with several crimes... but in the end he won't spend more than a few months in jail.... if that.

No matter... Uniontown is a small town... Tiny... just a few thousand people... Everyone knows that SOB... He'll get his.

Friday, July 15, 2005

ATF: New Guns Edition

Say boys.. you seen what's goin' on over at Taurus lately? We By God you ought to! Them boys down in Brazil have done up and decided to crank out a couple honest to God 1911's! Full size... 8+1... .45acp... a man's gun. Some folks are disappointed that Taurus is only offerin' one model... but hey... they ain't lookin' to compete with Kimber here. They've developed a loyal customer base, and they don't want to lose some folks just because they are in the market for 1911. Also, the local gunsmith here in town got his hands on one... He raved about it for a good 10 minutes when I called him about it. While I am stoked as I can be over this... It also puts me in quite a spot.

See... I'm a Taurus fan. I love 'em. No handgun company gives ya more for your money. But then... I also love Springfield... hell... you all know about that fetish... so now what?

Speakin' of Springfield... y'all see the new SOCOM in urban camo? Chicks will totally dig that gun. Black for me thanks... but hey... you pull out that bad boy at the local shoot, and watch the chicks flock.

Over at Beretta they are releasin' a couple of pretty awesome new guns... the Storm is a futuristic handgun... along the lines of the vaunted p-99. Strange lookin'. Has a serious Buck Rogers look. They're also releasing the SAKO... which is a rifle with multiple barrells... woot!

CZ has some impressive shotguns on their website now... hrm.... Looks like the shotguns are actually made in Turkey by Huglu. Now... these are some nice guns boys, and the great thing is, you can get them in everything from 410 to 12... you can have a single trigger, or a double. I think I actually prefer the double for hunting purposes, as it's inherently more versitile... but I'll stick with a single for clays.

The boys over at Savage aren't really up to much this year... but they don't have to be. They pretty much destroyed their competition when they introduced the ACCU-trigger system last year. I swear... if there is a nicer stock trigger any where in the world, I've never pulled it. Gimmie an accu-trigger... an on-off muzzle-break... controlled-round feeding (thing winchester pre-64) and you'll see one happy redneck. Savage also gets my vote for the best slogan in firearms; Actions speak louder than words.

So what else is new? Well.. I got an email from ol' Bill Samuels at Makers Mark. Apparently my barrell is about to be filled... then it'll be agin' time. Good email. Had lots of insider type bourbon process info. Considering this momentous occasion... I suppose it'll be a Makers night. Heh... what a pity.

Whiskeygirl is up here... and I don't think she's ever had Makers before... so...

But I digress...

Let's talk about smokes for a minute. Spacebunny asked a while back what the protocol was on females and cigars. I suppose the best way to handle this topic is to invoke the boy-friend's jacket rule. See.. ya don't want to be around a woman who's trying to dress like a man. Butch chicks suck. But... a cute feminine chick wearin' her boyfriend's jacket is fine.

This applies to cigars.... see... if she's out there smokin' a big ol' cigar to prove she's one of the boys... well... that sucks... if she's is puffin' on one with her man just to have a little fun... it's cool.

Intention often affects perception. Write that down kids.

As for tunes... well... its a little overcast... typical West Virginia crappy weather... I'm feelin' a little superior... so maybe it'll be some dim lights and.... Berlioz? maybe... maybe... Night on Bald Mountain? Or.... In the Hall of the Mountain King? Danze Macabre?

yeah that... that'll work.

Enjoy my friends. You can bet I well.
And Now for Something Completely Different

Trust me on this.

Thursday, July 14, 2005

Throw 'em Back

It's Friday Down Unda dammit. Good enough for me.

It's Corona tonight. I'm cuttin' myself off at 6 though... I figure that's a good time to hit the whiskey.

So have ya considered callin' in sick tomarrow and throwin' back with Jamie me? Aw come on... You deserve it. What do you work for anyway? Its for times like these!

So I'm crankin' up some tunes and drinkin'. I suggest you do the same.

Now I'm just pissed.

No I'm not pissed that a buncha kids beat a crotchety ol' raghead to death. I'm pissed because here we are just a few days removed from bombs in London... and already we have the morons of the world associating it with irrational fear.

That's the word of the day kids... Islamaphobia.

I am depressed.

Wednesday, July 13, 2005

Grab Thy Ankles

So here I sit with my Bourbon and Coke... and I'm thinkin'... how much longer?

We've got states passin' laws requirin' first time drunk drivers to pick up road side litter while wearin' "I'm a drunk driver" signs. I mean... those MADD skanks must be gettin' pretty desperate. What's next? Public whippin'? Are we gonna turn back the clock to prohibition or what?

We've got states passin' laws that dogs can no longer put their heads out the windows of cars... because the dogs might get hurt. This from the mind of a yankee 10-year old. Say... for the record... this is why we don't elect 10-year olds. I'd like to find the big brain behind PA's "There oughta be a law" contest and strangle him with his own entrails.

This while we got other judges lettin' convicted pederasts out on bail... when they were re-arrested for what? Right... child molestation....

And now?

Cameras. Cameras on every street corner. Just may as well get ready kids... cause they're comin'. The Brits used them to track down the London terrorists... You know what that means? If you said "they're comin' to every city in America." then make like ol' Bob and head on up to the front row.

We ain' gonna be able to sneeze without some prick cop watchin' us.

Oh... The Cowardly Elephants will tell us that this is a fight for our freedom... they'll tell ya how its all about the extremist's hate for liberty...

But then... the Jihadists ain't the ones fondlin' my wife at the airport... nor are they the ones who're watchin' every step I take with street corner cameras... nor are they the ones tellin' me my damned dog has to wear a seatbelt.

Piss off.

The simple fact that Republicans don't suck nearly as much as Democrats doesn't mean that Republicans don't suck at all. The two aren't mutually exclusive.

They both suck. The libertarians suck too... and so does the Constitution Party.

Listen up... cause I'm only gonna say this one more time dammit...

You fight these people with more individual freedom. Not less. How comfortable are those folks at the muslim student unions gonna be runnin' their jihadist cake holes... when they have to wonder if there is an armed redneck around the corner?

Tuesday, July 12, 2005

The Gander and the Goose

Washington Post columnist E. J. Dionne Jr. asks:

"Should a temporary majority of 50.7 percent have control over the entire United States government? Should 49.3 percent of Americans have no influence over the nation's trajectory for the next generation? We are deciding whether one ideological orientation will hold sway over all three branches of government ... Today's Republican majority, based on Bush's 50.7 percent of the vote in 2004, has no inherent right to exercise near-total control over that "most powerful branch."

Funny. So... Bush's 50.7% majority is not good enough to let him appoint a conservative... but Clinton's... umm... 49.2% minority was enough to let him appoint a liberal ACLU attorney.


Fish in a barrell folks. Fish in a barrell. This is why I don't blog on liberals much. Its just to damned easy.

The gamer in me just loves this picture. I still laugh at it. Puts me in a good mood just thinkin' about it. Something about Vader talkin' crap that just cracks me up. Maybe its just the gamer thing though.... every map this happens... nobody cries and pouts like beaten gamers.
The Movie Slump

I'm sure folks all over California are wringing their hands and frettin' over the problems of "The Industry."

That's what they call it out there ya know... The Industry. I know this because my psycho hippy neighbors actually spoke to me. Have I mentioned that the damn dirty hippy next door looks exactly like the old coot that invented the time machine in Back to the Future? I'm pretty sure its not him... but I have no way of bein' sure.

Anyway... the Damn Dirty Hippies (DDH) caught us outside and proceded to prattle on endlessly about this and that... They talked of how much they didn't like California... Of course... that perked me up a bit. Ah but as expected... they proved to be morons yet again...

See... they spent a good 15 minutes talking about how much they hated the name dropping of California... and they talked about the pretention... how everyone asks if you work in "The Industry".

Then of course... they proceded to drop names... you know their daughter knows the personal assistant of Dru Berrymore! Now imagine me... standing on my front porch.... havin' to listen to this crap. I tell ya... I've been prayin' for self-control lately and it paid off. I didn't shoot nobody. Thank ya Lord!

What is it with Hollywood today anyway? They are all tore up over the recent box-office slump. Well hell... it don't take a genius to figure this out... They've run out of ideas. Crimeny... How many remakes have come out in the last two years?

Do we really need another Herbie flick? Another Bad News Bears? Did "The Longest Yard" really need to be sodomized like that? Maybe its just me... But I aint droppin' 8.50 to go to a bad remake of a movie that I've already seen before!

Where's MIB? Where's Independence Day?

Sure sure... Batman Begins was awesome... But the comic flix are always gonna sell. Well... ya know... I admit though... I haven't seen F4 and I probably won't. I know I know... Jessica Alba is hot like the very fires of Hell... but man.. I just never liked the Fantastic Four. They're just to damned cheesy for me. Like Marvel's version of Superman.

Its always stuck in my craw that the single greatest super-villian ever... Victor Von Doom was wasted on these twerps. Ok seriously... is there a lamer super power than bein' all stretchy? It's stupid... and well... creepy.

You know the boys at Marvel figured out that his power sucked to... because in the comics he practically never uses it.

What was I talkin' about again?

Sunday, July 10, 2005


It is true that since 9/11 the United States has not suffered another attack. It is also true that since 9/11 the United States has spent vast sums to upgrade its "Homeland Security". Also, it is true that the United States has passed several laws, granting law enforcement new powers, with which to "defend" the country.

None of this is up for debate.

What is up for debate... is causation.

The plain truth is, all of the steps that US has taken are not provably responsible for the lack of an attack. Indeed there is evidence quite to the contrary.

In 2002 the US laid hands on an Al Queda document outlining thier strategy. The document said that the US shouldn't be targeted directly. That they should instead focus on our allies, and break their will to support us. Spain was the first on the list.

The plain truth is... for all of our bluster... about fighting there instead of here... about vigilence... the only reason we haven't been hit is because they've chosen not to hit us.

You think for 1 second what happened in Madrid or London would've been prevented in New York? Think again.

We're giving up freedoms for in exchange for nothing. We're being herded around like cattle... in exchange for nothing. We haven't stopped them from hitting us. They haven't tried. We maybe fighting them over there... but while we're fighting in Iraq, they're still bombing us in Madrid and London.

Fight them there instead of here. Sounds good. In a conventional war it might actually mean something.

This is not a conventional war. In this war fighting on multiple fronts just means finding a few impressionable young boys and supplying them with some timers, dynamite, and brief instructions on how to influence foriegn policy.

Friday, July 08, 2005


Boy these things are gettin' later and later! I'm pretty busy tonight... so so far it's just beer... I know I know.. I'm slackin'... But hell.. Jamie'd kill for a beer right about now!

Bill... Wine in a can? You have GOT to be kiddin' me. My wife won't even let me drink beer from a can. Says its low class.

Now... Let's see here... ah yes... Why an AR-10... Well... mostly because its the best damned semi-auto SHTF rifle you can by... and it pains my soul that Springfield doesn't make it. They offer plenty though... and yeah... I've got my eye one that long relief scoped squad rifle.... holy cow! The AR-10 is insanely upgradable. It's like a 10/22. You can make anything you want out of it.

I can see goin' with a .223... just to keep in the truck... you know... under the backseat... if something bad happens, you can use it to get ya home to the real guns. In these area... Keltec has ya covered boys. Folding stock .223... sweet little gun.

Beer... Beer Beer Beer... what's gotten into me? Why am I suddenly diggin' Bud Ice? Somebody help me... I'm losin' it.

Anyway... Tonight....

Tunes: Playin' Xbox man... no tunes until later... then its "Three Chord Country and American Rock and Roll"
Booze: Bud Ice for now... Later... Oh yeah... Smells like a Bookers night...
Firearms: Same ol' Same.. PT-101 close at hand... ooo... Those are glazers in there...
Tobacco: Rollin' cigarettes tonight... Hey... every cowboy rolls his own.
There's a Moral Here

Sheep are quite possibly the dumbest animals on the planet. I suppose the existence of feminists does leave the matter up for debate though...

But as I read of over a thousand sheep... leaping off a cliff one at a time... another after another after another.... totally oblivious to the growing pile of fluffy white death below... I can't help but laugh.

I just really can't bring myself to sympathize.

45o sheep killed by the predictable consequences of their own stupidity.

Meanwhile... in London... Islam is still seen as a religion of peace.
Walkin' Home

Ya know... I just laughed out loud listening to our head of Homeland Defense yesterday. He ran his mouth continually... talking about how secure our mass transit system was.


So... Dipshit Abu couldn't just put a bomb in a backpack... get on a bus... leave the backpack in his seat... get off the bus...


Do we search people gettin' on buses? How about subways? Do we search those people?

No. We don't. We can't.

There is no way to make the mass transit system a hard target. Its functionality depends on lots of people being able to get on, and off, very quickly. They have to be able to carry bags. They use the system to go to work... to shop... everything.

The government can talk till its blue in the face... but nothing will ever secure a mass transit system without reducing it to uselessness. Look at the damage done to the air travel system. It's nearly useless now, and its anything but secure.

Thursday, July 07, 2005

Boat Fun

So I'm thinkin'...

If we've got deep access to the gulf... I get me a big boat... I mean big. Load the family up and take them to the Bahamas big...

Then I mount a thrower on the back... and we shoot skeet off the back of the boat!

Now... I'm wonderin'... if you were to play with the angle of the launcher... and maybe load the clays upside down... do you think you could skip 'em off the water? Maybe break 'em like rabbits?
Mr Ramsey and Real Estate

The beloved and demonstratably hot Penciliod comments: From what I can tell, Dave Ramsey thinks getting into too much debt was the cause of his previous bankruptcies and the reason why he no longer borrows money.

Ramsey is an interesting cat. He's found a remarkmable nitch where he makes money by telling people things that they already know. Now before I get to much into this, let me just first point out that Julie and I have both read Financial Peace, and have attended his seminar. Virtually everything he says about saving money, spending money, earning money, and debt, we agree with.

Where we disagree is investments.

See.. Dave graduated from UT, and he went out to make his money in real estate. He did too. He made a couple million. Then he lost it all and went bankrupt. Then, that process repeated itself 2 more times before Dave figured out that he was borrowing to much money. In response, Dave took the extreme approach... and formulated his get-out-of-debt quick scheme.

Again... it's a great thing... but a couple parts of it are just screwed. Most notably of course, is the part where he advices you to put 20% down on a house, and never get a mortgage for more than 20 years.

It's dumb. Dumb Dumb Dumb. You'll never get it done.

It sounds good... but how long will it take you to save 20 grand to put down on your 100,000 house? And how much will interest rates have risen by then? Putting more money down does NOT get you a better rate. A 20 year loan, does NOT get you a better rate. These are myths, or outright lies.

As for us... well... if you go by percentage of income... we can afford a ton more house than what we'll actually end up getting... so we're not exactly coming close to extending ourselves... I mean... in the budget we'll be saving at least 4 times the house payment. I mean.... that's not to bad is it?

Wednesday, July 06, 2005

Next Stop: Mobile Bay?

What do y'all think? It don't get much more south than Mobile Alabama. Plus... one can get a 3000 square foot house on the bay complete with boat house and lift... for around 500 grand... not cheap... but then again... It's a 3000 square foot house on the bay.

Plus... if I don't want to live right on the bay... I could also snatch up a place on one of the canals that lead to the bay... or the river... either would provide excellent access. Alabama does have an income tax... so that's infuriating. but I'm willing to over look that for private access to the gulf.

Good anesthesia jobs down there... Whatcha think?

Monday, July 04, 2005

Presidential Speech...

I know I know... It's not everyday that the President of the United States shows up in your town. I'm supposed to be excited and all that...


Sure... he spoke all of 10 blocks from here...


What'd he say? Nothing.

If I never hear "As the Iraqi's step up, we'll step down." again it'll be fine with me. What kind of a strategy is that? I thought we were fighting in bahgdad to keep from fightin' in Boston... That doesn't sound like the same sort of talk to me. Sounds more like the same BS vietnam attitude to me. We left Vietnam saying things like "it's up to the vietnamese now..."

No doubt we'll be leaving Iraq, sayin' its up to the Iraqis.

What ever happened to using Iraq as a base of operations in a larger struggle against Syria and Iran? That just get flushed down the toilet? Ya listenin' Bill? Callin' ya out here buddy. How are we goin' to Syria and Iran without sendin' more troops? 130k enough?

See y'all.. We're leavin'. Doesn't matter when... We're leavin'... and that gives us a great little hint as to how this is all gonna work out.

We're leavin' and the bad guys ain't. They'll chew up the few un-neutered Iraqis in a matter of a couple years... and then what?
Fixin' the Fight Game

I love boxing. Classic boxing... Marvelous Marvin vs. The Hit Man... Ali vs Foreman... hell... Ali vs. Anybody... Any weight class... I don't care. I just love good boxing.

That's the problem though... There is no good boxing anymore. Not in the heavy-weight division anyway. I mean... when a disinterested Mike Tyson is the biggest draw in boxing... there's a problem people.

But what is the problem?

Simple. No athletes. No characters. No draws.

Even the dimmest bulbs of the inner-city have figured out that boxing is to dangerous. I mean lets face it... havin' bad knees at 60 is a lot better than bein' all but brain dead at 50. Football please!

As usual... the very bodies out to make the game safe, have actually made it to dangerous to fool around with... how? The gloves.

Boxing used to be a very different sport. It was bare-knuckles. It was bloody. It was brutal. It was not however, fatal.

See... when you're fighting with bare knuckles... you have to worry about what you're hittin'. Skulls after all can be pretty dad-gummed hard. Hit one the wrong way, and you'll break every knuckle you have. This is where gloves come in.

Gloves changed everything. Without them... boxers could now take these huge hooks. Try that bare knuckled sometime. If you hit the guy in the temple... he'll go out like a light... but if he doesn't? If you miss even slightly? You'll be fightin' one handed for the rest of the night.

It's those huge hooks to the temple that cause the brain damage that we see in aged fighters today.

Take the gloves off. Sure it'll be bloody. Sure it will look far less civilized. Sure it will look far more dangerous.

It's all looks though. They put the gloves on so women could watch without gettin' blood on their skirts. We got TV now... no worries.

Sunday, July 03, 2005

Cops are Useless

Say... Wasn't it the cops that found Elizabeth Smart? And umm... it was the Cops that found that murderous prick in rampaging through Atlanta right? And now the Cops have found this little Shasta girl too right?

Wrong, wrong, and wrong.

Smart was found by a citizen paying attention. The boy in Atlanta was turned in by a christian woman who's home he'd broken into... and Shasta was recently found by... of all things... a Denny's waitress...

Listen carefully and pay attention this time... I don't know how many times I'm gonna say this...

Cops do NOT solve crimes. Cases are either incredibly obvious, or they get stuck in the "We Hope Someone Tells Us Who Did This" file. CSI is a TV show. It's not real. That's not how it works at all.

Foresic evidence didn't help them find Smart... and it didn't help them find Shasta... and it sure as hell ain't helpin' that girl down there in Aruba.

Saturday, July 02, 2005

Open Country

Ok... so we got to rant a little yesterday about the folks that we really hate... now... I'll give ya a few that you may want to check out. Things are lookin' up, even in mainstream country right now... assumin' ya know where to look.

Shooter Jennings: I know... Waylon's boy is a rocker... at least that's what everyone thought... Hell.. he subbed for Axle Rose twice! No worries. One day he was tryin' to write with his LA metal band.. and told them he was tryin' to go for a "David Allen Coe" thing... when none of them knew who he was talkin' about... he decided to hang it up. He put together a new band and they through together his new album.. Put the O back in Country. If you've not yet heard the first single.. Fourth of July... I'm stunned... no matter... it'll be on all weekend I'm sure. It's great stuff. The album is Bocephus Southern Rock / Country... just like Waylon would have wanted. And hey... if you ever see him in concert... he's prone to covering Paradise City! How many of ya can say you've heard GnR at a country show?

Jason Boland: I love boland. He's all texas... His covers of Carney Man... the Road Goes on Forever, and Charlie Robinson's My Hometown are staples on my mp3 list. His original stuff is just as good.

Miranda Lambert: Hot little Texas girl. Chick can sing. I don't know what else you can say... She way hotter than Twain... and she's got serious 4-wheeler redneckgirl tendencies. There's a lot of new chickies out there these days... but this one probably has the best voice.

Keith Anderson: Song writer turned singer. The album is called Three Chord Country and American Rock and Roll... and that's exactly what it is. Songs like Pickin' Wild Flowers and XXL are the anchors of this one... and they alone are worth the price. Podunk is another great song, and "Where the Sun don't Shine" is plain hilarious. You'll find rock guitars and driving percussion... all mixed up under fiddles and country singin'. Hard to complain about that.

Dierks Bentley: This is the guy that sang "What was I thinkin' " that came out a couple years ago. You remember that I'm sure... well... he's still writin' about chicks... but without the sap that's the downfall of so many country boys. Even when he does write a song about bein' dumped... it ends up with a title like "Domestic, Light, and Cold". Normally I woudn't condone the mentioning of lite beer in music... but hey... he's still young. The stuff is toe tappin' and singable with plenty of blues. What do ya want?

The Gourds: Ahh... the original college country band... no one really knows about the Gourds except for them that have heard the infamous rip of Gin and Juice... well.. and them what live in Texas... Everyone in Texas knows about the Gourds... hell... in austin they could out sell Garth Brooks. Songs like "Jesus and Tequila", "Smokin' and Drinkin' " among others make this guys just to good to miss. The arrangements are bizarre... but catchy... in a "these guys know to much music theory to be playin' this stuff" kinda way. If you ever get to hear them cover Pancho and Lefty... man...

So there ya go... 6 artists off the top of my head... I coulda put Mindy Smith and Trick Pony on there too but I am outta time... Just do yourself a favor... Stay away from Sugarland.

Wait... crap.. I forgot to mention Jason Aldean! More summertime rock and roll country! Good stuff! Check him out too!

Friday, July 01, 2005


Hey boys... Official ATF post will be delayed... I'm workin' on a special edition... post I mean... Until then... Y'all what're in the mood... well.. you just go ahead and gitter started here. I know Jamie's been throwin' down for some time... man... I guess this is really why they call us "Johnny Come Lately" eh? Ah well... We may not be the first to show up.. but we throw down when we do.

I'll be along directly.
Country's Biggest Sissies

I hate sissies in country music... it's like gay football players... it just ain't right. Here are the ones who stand out the most...

Jeff Bates: Every time "Long Slow Kisses" comes on I get sick to my stomache. I get angry. I want to find this moron and choke him. He sounds like some unholy cross between an a day time soap actor and a porno star...

Josh Grayson: How did this guy end up with a solo career? Was Rascal Flatts all filled up at the moment? He doesn't look country. He doesn't sound country. What the hell makes this pop singing nancy-boy country?

Tim McGraw: Only this moron could write a song called "Back When" complaining about country turnin' into Pop, then go out and do a duet with Nelly. I don't know who else is in the runnin' this year... but when it comes time to talk about the Dipshit Hall of Fame, I'm nominatin' Tim McGraw. Don't even get me started on his new line of makeup for men.. or his manicures...

Lonestar: Suck. Holy COW do they suck. Everything they write... everything they sing... makes me want to tear out my own ear drums for fear of havin' to listen to 5 more seconds of their sappy trash.

Rascal Flatts: Oh... so THIS is what happens to the Backstreet Boys when they grow up. Seriously.. it's like.. an older.... whiter.. Menudo... I mean... didn't they cover "The Right Stuff" on their last album? The lead singer.. if you can call him that... he's about as country as John Kerry... he's got that gelled up bleached hair... faggy lookin' shiney shirts... Seriously.. what is country here?

The list goes on... but i think I'd rather talk about the folks who are actually pretty good... that list comes later.
Not a Moment to Soon

Sandra Day O'Connor has announced her retirement from SCOTUS. Good says I. Baby killin' wench. I am suprised by her announcment though... I really expected her to try to appease the Roe Rangers... and other such miscreants by stayin' on until after the Bush admin expired.

This makes me seriously question Rhenquist's decision to retire. I'm started to really doubt it. Few people realize how badly he wants to write the decision that overturns Roe. Replace Sandra with a pro-choice vote, and he'd get to do that very thing. He almost got it done back in the early 90's, but Kennedy backed out at the last minute...

Of course... this is all assuming that the Cowardly Elephant may actually somehow summon up enough balls to appoint a pro-life justice...

Not likely.