Nate's Dictionary of Progressive Principles

Affirmative Action: Jobs must always be given to those who cannot perform them.

Multiculturalism: Society works best when its divided into many groups that hate each other.

Wellfare: Money must be taken from those who work for it and given to those who do not.

Bilingualism: Societies best function when people can't communicate with each other.

Diversity: Society functions best when everyone thinks and speaks in exactly the same way.

Disarmament: The best way for a country to defend itself is to irradicate its best means of self defense.

Feminism: Society functions best when ugly women control everything.

Gun Control: Society functions best when only the violent lawbreakers are armed.