Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Independence and Responsibility

We are asked each day to surrender our independence in the name of convenience. In most cases we do so gladly. We make the trade without a thought. It sounds like such a good deal after all.


You don't want the responsibility of educating your own children... and the government offers to do so for free. Sounds like a great deal doesn't it? But set aside the issue of indoctrination and the worry of inferior education and just look at the deal you're making.

A child in school is a ball and chain. Oh... you may have 8 weeks of vacation a year... but you don't get to take them the way you want to... because your kid has to be in school. You're tied down.

Compare that to a family that takes the responsibility themselves. They come and go as they please. In the last 4 months of 2008 we spent 10 days at time in Destin/Navarre, Disney, North Georgia, and Pennsylvania. That was more than a week in each of those months that my kids would've missed school. It would've ended badly. They would've been classified as "behind" regardless of the fact that they no doubt would still be far ahead. Its just something families don't do.

Hell... work itself is a terrible ball and chain. You're trading the responsibility of earning your own money for the security of a paycheck. An illusion if ever there was one... A man that works for himself, or better still, a man that employs others to work for him, is a free man.

And lastly... I'll offer one other crippling cuff... the very possessions we cherrish.

You can't just get up and move can you? You can't just make up your mind to leave and hop on a plane to Paradise right? You have a house to sell. What would you do with all that furniture? What about all your stuff?

You see where I'm going with this? When we make a decision... we should be a little more conscience of the consequences. I'm not saying that you shouldn't take a good job because your independence is to valuable. But be aware of your options.

And what of security? That's the big one right? We're terrified of crime or terrorism... and thus we franticly look for another set of handcuffs to jam our arms into, as if it will do any good. The truth is... security from crime is something that is beyond the scope of a government to provide to an individual or even a family. That's a cold hard fact. Cops are historians. 911 operators are there to tell the cops where to go take pictures of the bodies.

In the case of security... individually... you can choose to take the responsibility... or you can choose to ignore the fact that you're a statistic in waiting.

But as a whole... as a population... the threat is just as great. We continue to leap from the frying pan to the fire... seeking salvation where there is only doom.

If your house is on fire... you cannot put it out with dynamite. Nor can you save your cherrished freedoms by surrendering them to the government.

Saturday, December 27, 2008

Theory Of A Deadman - I Hate My Life *Lyrics*

Sing a long! Blogger Blaster Style!

Not Good News

At least 3 people I know have had dreams about the coming of WWIII... all three in early January. I chuckled at those dreams of course... but then... I did blink twice when I read this.
One Must Be A Man...

to admit mistakes. Women know this better than anyone.

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

A Merry Christmas Indeed

We're busy cooking of course... just like every other good family. The bird will be introduced to the frier soon enough... In the mean time there is hot buttered rum simmering in the crock.. smelling up the house like nothing else does.

I've tried several recipes over the last few years... I thought I'd share the most recent.

3 sticks cinammon
6 whole cloves
2 hard packed cups Brown Sugar
1 pinch salt
1/2 teaspoon ground nutmeg
2 quarts hot water
1/2 cup butter (1 stick) (real butter dammit)
heavy whipping cream
2 cups dark rum

Put all that in your crock pot on low. Leave it for 5 hours. If you're in a hurry... put it on high for the first hour, then low for 2 hours. Works just as well. When done stir in the rum.

Serve in a warm mug with a scoop of whipped cream and dusting of nutmeg.

As always... adjust everything to taste. Some folks my want to halve the brown sugar... others may prefer to double the rum. Hard to argue with either... or both.

Give a try boys. If nothing else... it'll smell up your house like nothing else.

Monday, December 22, 2008

VPFL Champion

I would like to say that I came into this Fantasy season convinced that I had to win the Championship. After finishing last in 2007 I wouldn't have felt good about continuing in the league that was my brainchild if I hadn't had a spectacular season this year.

Last year... everything that could've gone wrong... went wrong. I lost player after player to injury. It was amazing. It really was.

What a difference a few months makes.

This year I lead the VPFL in total points scored. I won the Championship... and I did it without a dominant QB. I did it with depth. Its a satisfying Championship because of the adjustments I made throughout the year that paid off so often.

It all culminated yesterday when I started Brandon Jacobs... while everyone else thought I should start Chris Johnson. Oh CJ did fine... but Jacobs pounded out 3 rushing TDs... providing 22 fantasy football points.

I will be placing an order for my Championship Ring today. It usually takes 4 to 6 weeks for such things to arrive. Rest assured... many photos will be shared when it shows up.

Friday, December 19, 2008

What's Broken?

There is a line of reasoning that claims that the economy is all in our heads. According to the subscribers bad news breeds fear which negatively affects investment patterns, which leads to more bad news. Good news works in precisely the opposite manner...

The people would have you believe that you can walk into a burning building and ask, "Fire? What fire? Everything is excellent!" and suddenly... poof... the buildign would cease to burn.

I can hardly imagine a more childish or... simplistic... view of the world around us.

But... since it is simplisity that is desired... I have desided to provide it. Tonight... I should very much like to take the opertunity to explain what's broken in terms everyone can grasp.

Imagine if, you will, an island. On this island are several cast aways. There is japanese man, a chinese man, a french man, a german, an indian, and an american.

Each morning the Japanese man goes fishing. He fishes all day. The chinaman gathers fruits and nuts. The german crafts utensils. The indian hunts wild game for meat. The frenchman cooks all day.

At the end of each day... all of them present their well crafted products to the American who has done nothing all day. The American eats virtually all of it... leaving only the barest scraps for the others.

The next day it starts over.

Now... Keynesian economic theory... or... as you may prefer to think of it... American economic theory... the economic theory that our government has used to make all of its decisions for the last hundred years or so... would have you believe that the American is vital to that island's economic stability.

I mean... Look at all the jobs the American is creating by providing all that consumption.

Only a harvard educated politician would actually believe such insanity... but believe it they do. With such faith that they risk the very survival of their nation upon it.

Any idiot can see the American is a drag on the economy of the island... The other castaways would be far better off without the american at all. There would be more for them. They would have more wealth... and more free time.

And you wonder why the world loathes Americans?

The problem is not perception. The problem is not in our heads. We are not facing tough economic times because we're not happy enough.

We are facing tough economic times because we've stopped producing. No. The problem is not in our heads.

Its in our hands.

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Naughty Santa

We're all laughing... but Jamie is a little turned on.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Christmas at Nate's

I'm sure you'd be suprised to know that music is important to Dr Who and I. Since 1997 we've marked the Christmas season with a traditional collection of Christmas songs performed by the Cheiftans and several guest singers. On it can befond everything from traditional Irish Jigs to, Oh Come All Ye Faithful, to Jackson Brown's Rebel Jesus. There is an angelic performance of Oh Holy Night that I've never heard rivaled... and this one particular gem that inspired me to blog today... Elvis Costello's "St Stevens Day Murders".

I don't know if you've ever heard this song or not... but the song is so lyricly brilliant I couldn't help but share it. See for yourself... see if doesn't describe a holiday gathering of extended family to near perfection.

I knew of two sisters whose name it was Christmas,
And one was named Dawn of course, the other one was named Eve.
I wonder if they grew up hating the season,
The good will that lasts til the Feast of St. Stephen
For that is the time to eat, drink, and be merry,
Til the beer is all spilled and the whiskey has flowed.
And the whole family tree you neglected to bury,
Are feeding their faces until they explode.

There'll be laughter and tears over Tia Marias,
Mixed up with that drink made from girders.
’Cause it's all we've got left as they draw their last breath,
Ah, it's nice for the kids, as you finally get rid of them,
In the St Stephen's Day Murders.

Uncle is garglin' a heart-breaking air,
While the babe in his arms pulls out all that remains of his hair.
And we're not drunk enough yet to dare criticize,
The great big kipper tie he's about to baptize.
With his gin-flavoured whiskers and kisses of sherry,
His best Chrimbo shirt slung out over the shop.
While the lights from the Christmas tree blow up the telly,
His face closes in like an old cold pork chop.

And the carcass of the beast left over from the feast,
May still be found haunting the kitchen.
And there's life in it yet, we may live to regret,
When the ones that we poisoned stop twitchin'.

There'll be laughter and tears over Tia Marias,
Mixed up with that drink made from girders.
’Cause it's all we've got left as they draw their last breath,
Ah, it's nice for the kids, as you finally get rid of them,
In the St Stephen's Day Murders.

Tuesday, December 09, 2008

Shock: Corruption in Illinois Politics

The governor of Illinois has been arrested on corruption charges. Apparently the fella was attempting to sell a senate appointment. In equaly shocking news... oxygen has been found to be important to sustaining human life... and water is reportedly "wet".

Friday, December 05, 2008

Jacob's Ladder: 500kV Switch Opening

So a buncha guys came into walmart recently... urgently seeking new underwear.

How Worthless is the Dollar?

Well.. its worthless enough that some yankees are considering printing their own money. This is of course little more than isolationism. I mean... if you have money that's only good in your town.. folks have to buy local right?

Ya don't hear about this stuff in a recession people. This is the kind of thing you find when a country has a year or two of recession... which means now we just have to wait till the bankers start jumping out their windows and splattering all over wall street... then we can officially call it a depression.

Who says there's nothing to smile about?
I Should Blog Something

But what? I mean surely I have something to say don't I?

Not really. I've been gravely ill... and thus... useless. Consequently my blogging has been reduced to near vacation levels.

Anyway... its friday...

so I have a rather important question relating to protocol.

In america... we drink beer. But historicly speaking... we originally drank Cider. The other day... I has happily mocking a friend for drinking cider... when he pointed out that he was enjoying the cider as a historical ethnic preference.

The english wrote songs about cider. Ever heard Johnny Jump Up?

Now... don't get me wrong... I continued to mock him.. and to insist that he was drinking an alternative Zima.

What say you lads?

Monday, December 01, 2008

Cherished Illusions Lost

So now we know that we're going to see an addition 20,000 military troops working on US soil... we see yet another of our illusions flushed unceremoniously down the toilet. Oh sure... Posse Comitotus has been irrelevant since WACO anyway... but it was nice to pretend wasn't it?

Amazingly enough... the american public will shrug. Its a different world today right? All those stuffy rules have no place in today's america.

I agree completely.

Which is why I've come to loathe what America has become.

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

The Devil's Paintbrush

Tonight I'd like to tell you the tale of one of histories great inventors. So great in fact... that Thomas Eddison paid him to move to Europe and stop working on new designs.

Tonight... we're going to talk about Hyram Stevens Maxim... and what happened after Eddison made him that deal.

One never knows how even the most flippant remarks may effect world history. There is no greater example... than this one.

While he was in Europe Hyram was visited by an old friend from America. His friend said to him... "Look.. drop all this chemistry nonsense. If you want to make real money... give the Europeans something to cut each other's throats with."

Flippant as it may seem... that statement rocked Maxim to his core.

By 1886 he had his first working prototype. It was accurate. It was ultimately reliable... and at a time when the finest soldiers in the world could fire 26 rounds per minute with a bolt action rifle... you could put a moron behind this weapon and tell him to pull the trigger... and fire a symbolic 666 rounds per minute.

Maxim invented the worlds first machine gun... in 1886. When americans were still using Gatlin Guns.

Monday, November 24, 2008

The Crash

What you are looking at is a graph of the Baltic Dry Index. Now most likely you have no idea what that is. Basicly its a tool that estimates the demand for shipping world wide. It estimates the price of a standard cargo shipment, and tracks the cost change over time. The higher the cost of the shipment, the higher the demand for shipping.

Now this is important... because when economies are working... things are moving around. Stuff has to go from factories to stores... from country to country. Dig? These types of tools tell us a lot about the state of the economy world wide.

Now take a good look. From a high of 12,000 a few months ago... to 1000 today.

Ya know what that means? It means stuff ain't moving around. It means... factories aren't selling goods. It means factories aren't even making goods.

Consider as well... Its Christmas people. This is supposed to be the busiest time of year for shipping companies. Look at the graph. At the end of each year there is a spike. Not this year.

Not good.

Not good at all.
A New Tool

In many situations I've taken to carrying two steyr m40's. After all... the quickest way to reload is to draw another weapon. Still... even a gun nut like me has to admit that a firearm is only one tool. It is not the answer to all personal security questions.

So... I've indugled myself a bit... and picked up a few stun guns.

I went with Black Cobra... 600,000 volts. They're very small... think cigarette pack... and believe it or not... they are powered by a 9-volt battery.

Unfortunately there is not a lot of info on individual stun guns. You can't go read reviews of them... because lets face it... test subjects aren't easy to find... and lets face it.. cats look far to flamable for something like this.

I can tell you.. the little bastard makes a very loud pop... and throws an impressive spark.

I don't know that I can recommend relying on something like this as your own and only line of defence. Not until I can actually see it used. Still... no more than they cost... It certainly seems like a good option.

And lets face it... a stun gun may save you some legal bills.

Thursday, November 20, 2008

Glocks Suck

I thought I should take some time to explain my disdain for Glock... and to provide some contrast... I'll also explain why the Steyrs I own are demonstratably superior in every way.

First.. you need to understand that the Glock was designed as a 9mm. When they decided to offer it in .40... they had a choice... redesign the whole weapon... or find some way to rig it.

Guess what they chose?

That's right. They simply rebarrelled, modified the breech face, and dropped in a stiffer spring... and called it a Glock 22... or 23... depending. In fact... many manufacturers have done this... including S&W... with the S&W 99.

We call this bastardization an Unsupported Chamber. If that sounds bad... its because it is. In unsupported chambers brass expands far to much... and is even mishapen... most commonly expanded oval.. pushed down in the 6 o'clock position. Brass fired from an M40 measures between .428 and .430. Brass fired from a Glock 22 measures .431 to .433. That's a huge difference... as anyone who reloads can tell you.

Look inside a M40 sometime. Side by side with a Glock 22 you'll notice right away how much beefier the Steyr is. Because again... the Steyr was designed to be a .40. Not a 9mm.

The simple truth is... you don't want to reload brass that was fired from an unsupported chamber... and you want to be very careful about what loads you put in that chamber... lest you learn first hand why we use the term KaBoom.

I'm not trying to panic you here. If you're shooting factory tested ammo... you're obviously fine. But you should think long and hard before you start rollin' your own for your Glock. Glock isn't interested in making sure your brass lasts. They apparently only give a damn about rigging up half-assed designs that function... sort of.

The only good thing about glocks is the fact that you can't swing a dead cat without hitting one. Consequently ammo manufacturers have beefed up their cases to attempt to deal with the flaws in the 22 and 23.

How pathetic is that?

And now for a little background. The Steyr M4o was designed by a former employ of Glock... Wilhelm Bubits. He was around at the begining... and was extremely critical of the 22 and 23 designs for the reasons listed above. He was so frustrated with Glock's designs he actually became a designer himself and presented his copyrights to Glock. Glock didn't like the M40... so he took it across the street to Steyr.

They loved the design... and after some tweaking put it into production. The result was the most impressive modern pistol that no one gave a chance.

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

What Would You Do?

You wake up.. and the internet is buzzing. While you slept last night... by executive order... martial law has been declared and all firearms are to be confiscated. The government says you have 24-hours to turn in all weapons and ammunition at the nearest police station. Anyone caught with so much as one bullet will be imprisoned without trial.

There are pictures and videos of huge fenced areas where violators will be taken. The government refers to these concentration camps as "Gun Court".

You have 24 hours.

No time to wait for a trial or an injunction. Federal judges have refused to accept any challenge to the orders.

What do you do?

At 11:00 an army general holds a news conference where he explains that this is a military mission and it will be handled as such. The membership records of the NRA have already been siezed... along with the records of all pro-gun organizations. He states plainly that the homes of every NRA member will be searched. They have begun searching digital pictures from public survielence systems searching for hints of fire arms ownership like bumperstickers or t-shirts. He announces that the FBI has turned over the background checks on every firearm purchase made in the last decade.

At 4:00pm the President announces that you have 12 hours left to turn in your weapons. People have started leaving work to turn in their guns. Police are everywhere... soldiers are everywhere. They aren't doing anything... they are just... around.

What do you do?

This is all fantasy right? This can't happen. It never happens like this. Its just nuts.

Well consider... this is exactly how it happened in Jamaica in 1972.

Saturday, November 15, 2008


Please watch this particularly entertaining clip on Youtube.

You will hear Peter Schiff (Ron Paul's chief economic advisor) explain in specific terms exactly what happened to the market this year... and why... and he did so in 2006 and 2007. Pay particular attention to the buy recommendations given by the other so called experts. They are telling you how cheap Merril Lynch is at 58 bucks a share.

Everyone that listened flushed that money down the toilet.

Who's laughing now bitches?

Thursday, November 13, 2008

Sig Heil

So... Its not with a little suprise... that I find otherwise intelligent people shrugging their shoulders when they learn of Der Fuhrer's plans for requiring community service.

I mean... what's wrong with community service right?

Well... let's see... when you think of community service.. you probably think of some hearty volunteers spending an afternoon picking up litter... or serving soup to the poor at the local kitchen.

What you don't think about... is boot camp. You don't think about 3 months of your life at a barracks. You don't think about 50 jumping jacks in Aunt Samantha's Civilian Security Force.

But you should.

Because that's what Obama and his advisors are talking about.

When they say community service... they mean... conscripting your kids into a civilian police force that will conveniently circumvent the US laws which prevent the US military from taking action against US citizens.

There is nothing else such a force can do, that cannot already be done by the National Guard.

Consider... There is already a system in place for civilians to voluntarily and temporarily serve the country... its called the National Guard. We don't need a completely new organization...unless the National Guard isn't good enough. And its obviously not. If it was... the administration could simply suggest requiring everyone to serve there-in. But nope... that doesn't solve their problem. They want a new force entirely... and they are specific about it being a "civilian" force.

In other words... a police force... for a police state.

This is not paranoia people. This is the only logical conclusion.

The new administration is flat out declaring their intentions to create an extremely well funded federal police force the likes of which has never existed on this continent.




Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Look at the Loonies!

Boy the morons are getting pretty damned brazen aren't they? I mean am I the only one paying attention here? Have y'all noticed all the psycho ideas that have bubbled up from the cesspool of the liberal mind? The election was held less than 7 days ago... and so far we have...

- Confiscation of all 401ks and IRAs.

- A 1 dollar per gallon gas tax INCREASE

- A Gestapo. Well... I mean a civilian security force.

- Adding community service to middle school, high school, and college curriculums

- Outlawing High Tide

Ok I'm kidding about that last one... but give them time.

Monday, November 10, 2008

We're So Outta Here

Let me start off by saying the blog may under go some changes. Mainly you can expect that the most common topic will be escape. I choose the word escape... because that's what it is. Escaping what may well become Fortress Amerika is now priority number 1.

So... if like me... expatriating is something you're serious about... or if its something that is a little more interesting after the recent unfortunate events... then I think you'll enjoy things around here a lot.

If it all sounds defeatest and you're looking for someone to lead a rebellion... look elsewhere.

I don't give a damn about this yankee hell hole.

I don't give a damn about the flag or the principles for which it now stands.

My loyality is to my God and to my wife and kids.

So lets start this off right...

Here are some countries that are high on our list right now:


Our plan is pretty simple really... vacation in the places that interest us... make professional contacts while we're abroad... then make the decision.

Saturday, November 01, 2008


Last year a movie came out called Awake. You probably saw the previews. It played on a popular fear of waking up during surgery... being paralyzed... but still feeling everything that happens during the procedure.

Now... this lead to people all over the country harassing anesthesiologists with stupid questions.

I mean seriously... did you call up NASA and ask them if there really was a moon sized space station capable of destroyign planets? I mean... you saw it on a movie right?

There are countless claims of course by people who say this happened to them. Never mind that you can pull the chart from their case and see plain as day that their blood pressure and heart rate never fluctuated.

See... Anesthesiologists don't just sit around back there with their thumbs up their butts. They moniter every vital sign. More than that... in many cases they manipulate them. They stop you from breathing and do it for you. If necessary... they stop your heart deliberately... then restart it.

Now ask yourself this question... when you're scared... or in severe pain... does your heart rate remain completely steady? Or does it start pounding like hell?

And on top of everything else... even if you did "get a little light", which is what they call it when you start twitching or something during surgery, they crank the gas up big time... and you stop twitching. Not to mention... they have these wonderful drugs that have the greatest of side effects... They eradicate short term memory.

So if you did wake up... no way in hell you'd remember it.

All of that said... If an anesthesiologist wanted you to feel it all and remember you felt it... he could... and if you payed attention during that assinine movie... you'll note the medical staff was actually trying kill the protagonist.

Oh... those drugs with the convenient side effects? I should also point out that some of the gases are known to cause extremely violent dreams... and think about it... you're going into surgery... what you scared of? What's on your mind?

So yes... I'm saying they dreamed it. All of them. Well.. except the ones that REALLY pissed off their anesthesiologists.

Thursday, October 30, 2008

Shock Treatment

Lets face it... the practice of medicine has some dark chapters... and to many... electro-shock therapy of the 60's makes up one of the darkest. The images of patience strapped down... and basicly tortured is something that's seared into the american conscience to the point that its practically an architype. You have about a 50-50 chance of seeing some kind of shock treatment scene in any haunted house you happen to visit.

So let me tell you something you probably don't know.

Its still done. Its still done... because it works.

There are mountains of evidence that prove it works. Not just that it works... but what methods work best... all the way down to determining the peak level of effectiveness. The only thing we don't know... is why it works.

DrWho has often provided anesthesia for patients being treated. The whole thing is just bizarre to me.

First of all... the whole thing is very hush hush. The centers are usually very easy to get in and out of... patients frequently have a private door so folks don't see them coming and going. The stigma is palpable.

The major difference between moder shock therapy and what was endured 50 years ago is anesthesia. Now patients sleep through it... and not just that... they mostly even lay still... because they are paralyzed.

See the whole point is to flood the brain with electricity and induce a seizure. There are pretty strict guidelines about the length of the siezure... which effects the efficiency of treatment. On the other hand... the seizures can be so violent that the patient could be injured... so now anesthesiologists actually use very short acting paralytics.

Of course... if the patient is paralyzed... its kinda hard to tell how long the siezure is lasting ain't it?

So how did they solve this?

Well.. to be honest... some anesthesiologist was looking around and saw a bloodpressure cuff laying around. He inflated it on one of the patient's arms then gave the paralytic. The cuff prevented the drug from flowing into the cuffed arm... so they could watch the one arm flop around and therefore safely time the seizure.


Of course this all leads to some jolly great fun once one considers the possibilities. For example... unsuspecting nursing students... or rookie interns are almost always told to stand next to the cuffed arm... with predictable results.

DrWho still cracks up when she remembers this one chick nearly had to be resusitated after the arm jumped up at her.

Yes virginia... hazing still exists. Its just more elaborate.

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Tomorrow's Headlines Today

Its occurred to me that you probably don't much care for mainstream news outlets. Consequently... I've decided to save you the embarrassment and inconvenience of paying attention to them on November 5th.

This is what you're going to hear all day long...

Idiotic Male Broadcaster: Breaking story here... the democrats are complaining about the urban vote being suppressed. Lets go live to our correspondent at DNC headquarters.

Idiotic Correspondent: Yeah IMB I'm here at DNC headquarters and I can tell you they are very upset at what they are calling a deliberate attempt to suppress minority voters. Now we all know that minority voters are concentrated in the large urban areas such as Chicago, Detroit, and New York... but police are saying they are just being responsible... that a police presence is required in the event of civil unrest as the results come in. Democrats however are saying they are going to far, and actually interfering in the election process... simply by being seen.

Idiotic Male Broadcaster: Thanks IC. Al Sharpton has holding a press conference... lets go there now.

Sharpton: In 2000... the 'lection was stole from us... when they took it to the Supreme Court! Now here in 2008... this 'lection is bein' stole from us the ol' fashion way... with guns and badges! I'm gonna tell you right now... I'm gonna tell you right now.. we ain't gonna stand back and let this go. We ain't gonna be made no house niggas no more. Oh you say we can vote... sure.. come on down and vote... but don't mind them boys over there with the assault rifles and tear gas... they're just here to keep you safe brotha! I mean... who y'all tryin' to kid? I'm telling you right now.. our voices will be heard. We will not be silenced.

Idiotic Reporter: Reverend Sharpton are you saying that the police are intimidating voters?

Sharpton: Are you blind? Look over there! Look! What do you see? Guns and tear gas! They say they are worried about violence. I tell you right now... if this goes bad... there's gonna be violence. There will be violence.

Idiotic Reporter: There you have it IMB.. the poor are being intimidated by the police presence and their voices are being silenced. Back to you.

IMB: Thanks IR... now we've got word of a late breaking news conference being held by Senator Murtha... lets go there live.

Murtha: What the fuck do you mean I'm behind? These fucking rednecks!

***inaudible interruption***

Murtha: What the fuck do you mean I'm live? of course I'm live you ignor... ummm... Hello. We apparently have had some audio issues... I apologize for that. I want to take some time to address what's going on in Philadelphia right now. Right now... in Philadelphia... poor minorities are afraid to vote. They are afraid to vote... and if something isn't done... its going to cost the righteous Barack Obama this election. I'm calling on all my fellow senators and legislators.. and all government officials on all levels to end this tragedy before our children pay a dear dear price for it. Thank you.

IMB: Powerful Powerful words from Senator Murth from Pennsylvania. Early reports are a little conflicting it seems. At around 9:00am EST MSNBC had declared the election a landslide victory for Barack Obama... but when it was pointed out that the voting hadn't actually started yet... they were forced to retract the claim... and now... now it seems that even later reports of Obama's dominance have been somewhat flawed as states that were known to be comfortably in his pocket so to speak are looking decidedly at risk. This is seen by democrats as evidence that there is indeed deeply wrong with the process.. and they are blaming police interference. We'll keep you posted. Now back to your regularly scheduled program.

Tuesday, October 28, 2008


I was at the game... so I missed the broadcast. How did the Monday Night Crew handle Nashville? The local media seems to be pretty pissed off about some of the remarks that were made.

What did y'all think?

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Paranoia and the Curse of Interesting Times

So... Given my readership... I'm assuming a lot of you have already read this. If you haven't... I'll sum up. Basicly the US Joint Chiefs and their equivelents from all around the world flew into a small town airport in upstate New York for a meeting.

Now... granted... it could be that this did not happen at all. It could be that they do this sort of thing every so often and its just not a big deal. It could also mean they wanted to talk about the World Series.

The paranoid among us tell us they were laying plans to deal with the possiblity of world wide civil unrest due to wide spread economic instability. They site several recent events... changes in legal procedure and law that lay the ground work. They point out that federal officials have been throwing around the phrase "martial law".

But before you disregard the mad ravings of the paranoids... consider... who was right about the economy? Was it the main stream talking heads?


No. It was the Lunatic Fringe that correctly predicted the stock market crash... and they also explained why it would happen before it did.

I'm not saying martial law is on the way people... but I am saying you should be prepared to deal with it. Not because a plan landed in upstate New York... but because you should ALWAYS be prepared for it.

Rumors like this... true or false... serve as a very good reminder indeed.

Be Prepared.
The Legacy of Makers Mark

Most folks these days know the most popular spirit in America is Vodka. This has been the case since the early 70's. Not suprisingly... the popular rise of the Dear Little Water happens to mimmick the feminization of the country... but that's a topic for another post.

But prior to Vodka's rise... Bourbon was the king of the mountain. Walk into a package store in 1950 and you'd find dozens more labels than are available today... and it seemed like everyone that walked in the door was after the same thing.

I'll tell you something you might not know though. If you were to taste all of those labels you'd learn one thing. Back then... bourbon pretty much all tasted the same. The variety was purely the result of marketing. And not just that... but if you taste some Evan Williams today... you'd know what virtually everything tasted like back then.

See... the Super Premium Bourbon Market which has led to the surge in popularity hadn't been invented yet... but the interesting thing is... the ground work for bourbon's revival was actually laid before its fall. A fella named Bill Samuels realized that different parts of the warehouse aged bourbon differently... so he began rotating his barrells. It was labor intensive... and was, at the time, mocked as a gimmick. But that rotation... along with careful experimentation with the recipe resulted in the first Super Premium bourbon.

Of course... now everyone from Jim Beam to Jack Daniels rotates their barrels. And they all offer Super Premium products.

See boys.. Bourbon's Golden Age... really wasn't. Bourbon's Golden Age is now. So when you sip your Knob Creek or Rare Breed... say a little word of thanks to Bill Samuels. Because if it wasn't for him and his work at Makers Mark you wouldn't have either.

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

On Early Voting

The folks in the village at the foot of the mountain can vote on the color of the boulder currently crashing down towards them... but the result of the election won't change the fact that they are all going to die.

A far more sensible solution... would be to get the hell out of the way.

Monday, October 20, 2008

Deep Thoughts

"When you men get home and face an anti-war protester, look him in the eyes and shake his hand. Then, wink at his girlfriend because she knows she's dating a pussy."

General Tommy Franks

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Cherry Poppin' Daddies

We just got back from our minivacation... and after a hard day of preparations... we're now fixing to head out on a longer one. I thought I better put up some pics of the ride before I split though.

It was the first adventure ride for both DJ and DrWho... who fancied themselves some sort of team by the time the whole deal was over. After each stop.. when we were about to roll out.. they would make a little hand signal and do a modified fist bump.

It was crackin' my ass up. You really are rockstars on these trips. People come up from all over to talk to you... or just to compliment you or your ride.

These two waterfalls are a short hike down from the trace. Two small streams run across slate... so the water is naturally filtered. The water was cold and clean. Next time we'll fill up some canteens.

You need to heed this advice people. Buy a motorcycle. Ride. Live.

More trips in the works. And yes...

I'm selling the Vulcan and buying a real motorcycle.

Monday, October 13, 2008

Here Crackhead Crackhead Crackhead.

Here Crackhead... come on boy... come on.

Just after 4 today my phone rang. It was my neighbor's wife.

"Umm.. Nate... This is Sandy*. My daughter just said she saw a black man creeping around in my backyard. I just wanted to let you know to keep an eye out."

I responded in the only responsible manner I could.

"I'll be right there."

I was already strapped... of course... the boys were all down for naps... so I grabbed bonita... locked up the deadbolts... and headed over to the neighbors back yard.

There's a tree line that runs down the back of our yards and shields our houses from the airport runway behind. Its a risk. Thugs look for such things to gain stealthy entrance and egress. Plus they think they can find cover there. They'll hide in the treeline and watch... trying to figure out predictable patterns in your behavior.

Bonita and I scanned the tree line and I almost immediately saw him... a few feet in... on the oposite side of the yard.

Adrenaline was getting the best of me... and Bonita was puffed up noticeably. I walked into the treeline... still on the opposite side of the yard... and said loudly...


Dude's eyes got very big... then... all I saw was assholes and elbows.

Imagine that. Bonita wanted to take him down... she convulsed a couple times... almost involuntarily... but she never left my side. Sitting at heel... teeth exposed... like some demon waiting for the word... "kill".

no joy...

Not yet anyway.

Maybe he'll come back.

Friday, October 10, 2008


Thank you for clicking. We're sorry.. but we're currently away. DrWho, JAC, Mrs JAC, DJ, and I are off on a grand two wheeled adventure. We're heading down the Natchez Trace where we'll drink a beer at the bar where Mr Bowie took that big damned knife of his and killed a man what accused him of cheatin' at cards.

Please leave a comment... and we'll be with you as soon as possible.

Thanks again.


Monday, October 06, 2008

Blame Harvard Business School

"If its Not Growing, Its Dieing"

You want to know whats to blame for your current economic crisis? Greed you say? Harvard Business School says I. Its that theory.. that wretched buzzword style catch phrase... so often repeated... its impregnated every fascit of american economics.

Its a deplorable, loathesome, and ultimate suicidal business theory. Its one that eventually damns and destroys everyone and everything that adopts it... from a business, to a school, to a city or town. But why? Why is it so destructive?

Several different ways actually.. and I'm going to provide some fairly varied examples from completely different, and seemingly unrelated, areas to demonstrate them.

I want to explain the mechanics of why this theory is so wretched. The theory mimics greed. It creates a strip mining mentality. 10% profit is good. Its not bad. But see... 10% profit 2 years in a row... is not seen as consistant performance... instead when you apply this Harvard Business School Abortion of a Theory... its actually viewed negatively. Its illness and death. Its not growth... therefore its "death". So... 10% isn't good enough in year 2. In year 2... you have to have 10.1%... and you'd much rather have 11% or more.

Now compound this attitude with the hype driven world of Wall Street trading. More profit is more hype. More growth is more hype. More hype is more money... more money is more infrastructure... more aquisitions... more growth... and remember.. If its not growing... its dieing.

You ask were the greed comes from? It comes from that mentality. It is the direct result of the application of that mentality... to every aspect of business.

So... Lets look at specific examples...

Lets start with sports... and there is no more obvious example than NASCAR. The drive for growth has driven NASCAR to sacrifice its soul to appeal to "new" markets. This is seen by NASCAR pulling races from traditional south eastern tracks and giving them to California... or Las Vegas... where no one gives a damn. More than that... its seen in the ultra PC turn we've seen in NASCAR bigwigs over the last 10 years. Driver quarells are crushed immediately. Any show of fire and emotion is squashed immediately... all in the hopes to repackage the sport to appeal to new markets. Never mind the fact that the repackaging has pissed off the loyal fans who've been around forever.

NASCAR has found itself in a crisis. For the first time in decades it is boring... and people are ignoring it. Blame the Car of Tomarrow...but the real culprit was their idiotic attempts to market the sport by removing all the aspects that made it marketable in the first place.

Lets look at the housing market. Its all "greed" right?

Let me suggest that much of the Fannie Mae / Freddie Mac contraction can be directly attributed to Harvard Business School thinking. Look.. if everyone that qualifies for a home has one... and has recently financed... you really have a problem. You have to grow... if you don't grow... you die. So what do you do?


You do the same thing NASCAR did... you go find a new market. And if there aren't any new markets... you better damned well create one. After all... its a matter of survival.

Do the math.

And all the while I find myself thinking of that little store up in Oark. The Oark General Store in Arkansas has operated continuously since 1890. Its the same general store today that it was 100 years ago.

It has not grown.

And look at that...

It has not died.

That's because 10% profit... over and over and over again... is successful business.

10% profit... followed by 20% profit... followed by 50% profit... followed by 60% profit.. followed by bankruptcy and collapse... Well we have a word for that to... We call that failure.

You want to fix the economy?

You can start by razing Harvard Business School... and salting the earth.

Obama Jungen

Well.... Isn't that special.

Friday, October 03, 2008

Shit. It Passed.

Gillotines. Stakes. Nooses. Electric Chairs. Leathal Injections. Firing Squads. Boiling Oil. Molten Steal Enemas. 10,000 Paper Cuts. Bludgeoning. Asphixiation. Impalement.
Bane. Might be. Dead.

I have been provided with some information that makes the claim more plausible. Again.. this information proves pretty conclusively that someone died... and some of the facts about that person match the few details shared with us by Bane.

I am not convinced.

Of course...

I also laugh at people who think we actually landed on the moon.

Take it for what its worth.

Thursday, October 02, 2008

Bane. Ain't. Dead.

I'll tell you how I know. Because there are no death records for September 22nd.. or 21st.. or 23rd... or hell... the whole month of september... that match someone even remotely close to his age... where he was known to live... which by the way... is not Oakland.

That sneaky prick is just lurking... waiting for me to put up some mushy post about what a great guy he was... so he can jump out and wave his pecker at me and call me a pussy.

I didn't fall for it last time... so this time he's showing more patience.

Come on out old man! You're wasting your time! I know you're still out there... and I know where.

Maybe you got bored with "Bane". Fine. I know you're around... You ain't foolin' me.

Come on out bitch! Show yourself!

Wednesday, October 01, 2008

It's Official

The 2009 Corvette ZR-1... will have a base price of $103,000.00. For that price you get an astounding 638 horsepower, and over 700 foot pounds of torque.

Chevrolet CEO Wagner has stated plainly that he cannot wait to stack this car up with the Ferrari 599... or the Lamborghini Gallardo.

His enthusiasm is justified. Going by horsepower to weight... the ZR-1 should snatch either one up like a ill trained puppy and rub its nose in its own poo.

The price seems high... but consider... even using the reported rate of inflation, the 1990 version of the ZR-1 sold for 97,000 in 2007 dollars. We're talking about the same kind of price bump here.

Please do not think of this as a beefed up Z-06. Its not. They considered naming it the Z-07... but it was pointed out that this is way more than 1 better than a Z-06.

See... when they were showing off the Z-06 to Wagner... he was extremely impressed. So much so that he chuckled.. and wondered aloud, "Man... if you can do this for 60 grand... what could you guys do for 100?"

And that was all the approval the engineers ever got. They dubbed the project "blue devil" for Wagner's alma mater... Duke... and a small group of gear head engineers went to work... pretty much 24/7... for years.

This is the result.

The most advanced... highest performance... end-all-be-all Corvette ever put together at the factory.

In 2009... Ferarri owners will have to pay very close attention to the little badge on the back of the Corvettes they decide to pick on.

If they happen to mistake a Zr-1 for a Z06... they're gonna find an ugent need to wash their face.

Hail to the King!

Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Elkan is Unimpressed

The Black Widow spider is... with good reason... among the creepiest creatures on the entire planet. Its venom is a neurotoxin that can be fatal... most often to the young or old... but young adults do rarely die.

The toxin causes severe muscle spasms and often whole body reactions... causing resperatory issue and severe nausea.

So yesterday morning... we're all in the pool swimming... when Jeb starts shouting about a spider on Elkan. DrWho is on it instantly.. and flicks the wretched beast into the water.. where I scoop it up and throw in onto the pool deck.

Once up there myself I find the stunned creature is in fact a female black widow... and its not a small one... the spots down her back indicate she's the Northern variety... fucking yankees.


Problem solved.

Well.. until about 15 minutes later when I realize the little fella has an obvious bite on his shoulder... plain as day.

As you can imagine the next three hours are a little frantic... but to spare myself reliving them... I will say only this... He didn't show a single symptom. He laughed and played and did his thing... and the bite mark has all but disappeared at this point.

Elkan thinks black widows are pussies.

Monday, September 29, 2008

I Apologize

Apparently someone decided to take advantage of my vacation. The made ignorant and classless comments that I am fairly certain would never have been posted had I been on the watch.

I am greatly irritated that one should use my blog to vomit such cud.

Be advised...

There are very very few rules here. In fact... its harder to get banned here than it is to get banned at just about any other blog. Don't irritate DrWho. And don't piss off Spacebunny.

Father of the Year

When a man broke in to his teenaged daughters bedroom... wearing nothing but gloves, a mask, and a raging hardon... Daddy did the only reasonable thing he could think of.

He killed the psycho with his bare hands.

The police apparently arrived to find Daddy (that capitalization is deliberate. It shouldn't need to be explained.) clutching the would be rapist in some terrible submission hold. It took them several minutes to convince Daddy to let the bastard go. When he finally did... the freak slumped "unresponsively" to the floor.

Daddy had apparently choked the bastard out... for good.

Some are saying the father had no weapon... but I prefer to believe Daddy considered shooting him... then decided it wasn't personal enough.

A few things we can conclude... One... No teenaged boy will ever sneak into that girl's room... and Two... that teenaged girl will likely never disobey again... ever.

Thursday, September 18, 2008


Ok seriously... Our lives just got a little bit more interesting. I mean damn... a man is stuck in an air duct of a knoxville museum... calls 911... and claims he was dropped on the roof by a helicopter. He was supposed to disarm and retrieve a nuke... a MERV to be exact... from a... a... ahem... apparently it was supposed to be hidden in a plastic cow statue in the basement.

I'm serious.

Nuke in a plastic cow... in knoxville... which the American Illuminati... director Womack apparently... sent him to fetch. Badge number 0931.

So not only are the illuminati out there... they have badges... and you know... they're also ummm... comicly incompetent.

Alrighty then.

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Kawasaki Heavy Industries

Take a look at this pic. Any idea what that is? Here's a hint... it weighs 2,400 tons... and it produces 100,000 horsepower. Yeah... its a deisel engine... from hell. Take close look at the scale of the thing. See the saftey rails? See the guy standing on it? For the record its 12 cylinder engine with a bore and stroke is 1m by 3m. I mean... damn.

The general public things Kawasaki is a company that makes motorcycles. In truth... they make everything from bridges to massive cargo vessels.
Every engineer in the world should dream of working for Kawasaki. Seriously. The company basicly decides what markets to get into by asking itself... "Would ten year old boys think this is cool?" Ok... maybe they don't... but if they had... the results wouldn't be any different.

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Bike Budgets

Boysmom chimed in a while back and asked a doosie of a question. Wat should be budgeted to aquire a capable motorcycle... and the required gear?

Now first of all... no one should hold illusions of riding through a hail storm. Yes... lots of fellow adventurers have been caught in hail storms before... but take it from me... at 60 mph... hail hurts.


Lets consider some options though... sounds like she was looking for a commuter that could deal with the elements. You could roll two ways... You could go with a BMW... that's a great option... but realisticly you'd need 10 grand to pick up a nice 1150GS and the safety gear to go with it. You may aquire it for less... but I couldn't guarantee it.

The other option is a Kawasaki KLR650. With 5 grand you could have a nice late model klr and all the gear necessary to make it a rock star commuter.

Either of these bikes would have hardbags... electric outlets for heated vests (which would be your best bet) and heated grips.

Another good option... not quite as rugged perhaps... would be kawasaki versys... that would be somewhere in the middle.

Friday, September 12, 2008

ATF: The Chill The Fuck Out Edition

What in the blue hell is wrong with you people? Some idiot on cable news says gas may double in price over the next week... and every one of you morons shows up at the gas station... then ya panic when you realize that... duh... if everyone buys gas at the same time... we all run out of gas.

Exactly how many extra chromosomes do you people have?

This is a damned catagory 2 storm. Its freaking rain. You've lit your damned panties on fire and given these greedy bastards a golden opertunity to rape the shit out of us. You're freakin' out about a gas shortage... and these pricks are paying for their new boats by jacking up their prices on gas that is already in the damned ground!

Hey dumbass! You have a full tank. You don't need more. Next week... all this shit will be forgotten about... and you will have paid 3 dollars a gallon to much for gas you didn't even need!

The fucking sky is not fucking falling! Do you fucking understand you ignorant fuck?


Now shut up and drink your beer... watch your football... and smoke your damned smoke.

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Prayers for a Father

Today (thursday) is the sentencing hearing for the father of a mutual friend of ours. By ours... I mean yours and mine. If you know... you know. Be discrete in the comments. Prayers are always appreciated.

Tuesday, September 09, 2008

Dave Ramsey = Idiot

Now... let me preface this public flogging. Dave is not wrong about personal debt. By all means... work to become debt free. Cut up your credit cards. The spanking I'm about to administer is purely related to his column... a mailbag of sorts... where in he responds to a question about inflation. A woman emailed him and ask him to explain what inflation is. This is his answer:

"Basically, inflation is the increase in the cost of something. For example, if the inflation rate of gasoline is 10 percent, that means the cost of gas went up by 10 percent.

There are a lot of variables involved when the price of a product increases. One of these is simple supply and demand economics. This means that if there's a shortage of a product, it's perceived to be more valuable. The result of this is almost a bidding war of sorts, and it will cause prices to go up.

The opposite is true if there's an over abundance of a product or item. If you've got 10 people wanting 100 items, then you've got a soft market, and the prices will go down. That's called "deflation."

That's a pretty simple factor, but the variables can get complicated and interconnected. If you're buying food from another country, that particular country's economic situation affects our economy because it's a component of our economy.

Or let's say you're building a house, and shingles for the roof are more expensive than they used to be. Well, there's oil in singles, and the price of a box of shingles may have gone up because the price of oil went up. So then, you're looking at a scenario where oil caused housing prices to rise."

Ridiculous. Utter idiocy. Pure unadulterated bunk. Ramsey describes perfectly natural and normal changes in supply and demand and then calls it inflation.

This confusion is pure Keynesian stupidity.

Prior to 1930 everyone knew that inflation had nothing to do with individual prices. Inflation is related to money supply. Price increases are symptoms of inflation. They are not the cause. When governments print to much damn money... that is inflation. Yes... prices go up... because the individual dollars in your bank account are worth less... because... as I said before... The government printed to damned many of them.

Ramsey has an enormous audiance... and its made up almost completely of the economicly illiterate. They trust him implicitly. So when he writes stupid crap like this... they believe him. They now know that any time a price goes up... you call that inflation... and any time a price goes down... its deflation.

No doubt they are all scratching their heads wondering why on earth massive deflation would be a bad thing. After all.. if everything were cheaper... they could buy more right?

Dave should be punched in the face for writing this. He is perpetuating a deadly ignorance. He is fascilitating the fiscal suicide of the nation he claims to love, by disarming the public of the information necessary to prevent it.

Not that preventing it is necessarily desirable of course.

Wednesday, September 03, 2008

Jerry Reed And Chet Atkins Jerrys Breakdown

The music in Heaven is a little better today. Mainstream America only knows him for Smokey and the Bandit... or as the football coach in Waterboy... but the truth is the man was a phenom on the guitar. He wrote... at least 20 songs that Chet Atkins recorded... he wrote songs for Elvis... and the all time greats... I mean Clapton.. BB King... Les Paul... They all knew, respected, and loved Jerry.

Brad Paisley tells a story about a time he got to play with BB King... about three seconds after he picked up his guitar BB said, "Oh... You're like Jerry Reed."

He didn't mean Brad was a good as Jerry... he was talking about the style. Brad's good... but he ain't Jerry... and Brad would be the first to say it.

The world lost a character... but Heaven gained a helluva picker. I sure hope he and Chett are havin' a big time.

Monday, September 01, 2008

Fire Fulmer

When will the idiots in Knoxville finally wake up and see that Phill Fulmer is out of touch... and is incapable of producing SEC Championships?

The loss Monday Night was unacceptable. If the man gave a damn about the University of Tennessee.. he'd resign effective immediately.

He is an embarassment.

John Chavis is an embarassment.

This football team... is an embarassment.
Be Sure to Read the Shirt

For you ol' timers... her shirt says, "I may be broke, but I'm not flat busted."

Saturday, August 30, 2008

I'll Be in My Bunk

There you have it. The GILF herself... clinging to her gun... as JaMama would say.

Friday, August 29, 2008

Let Me Be The First To Say It
Take a gander at McCain's choice for VP...

And take my advice. Get used to the term GILF. You're going to be hearing it alot. And yes.. that's in this picture she's doing something Obama's never done. She's working.
There Will Be No Desent...

when I apply the term "Badass" to this ol' lady.

Young punk breaks into her hous at night... she grabs her gun (a .22 for the record) and tells the kid, "You've had it."

She then procedes to make him dial 911... on himself.

How embarassing.
It Happens Every Day

Coulda been you. You're shopping late at night... you pay with your debit card... you're loading up your groceries... and suddenly you've got a gun in your face.

If it ever does... I know a lot of you will be well prepared. I wish all of you were.

If you follow that link... pay attention. The intended victim didn't go straight for his gun. He tried to play nice. He even handed his over his wallet. He didn't want to shoot that kid. He dropped his wallet and ducked behind the open car door.

In otherwords... he did what the criminal wanted... just like the television tells you to. Note the criminal's response. It wasnt' to take the money and run... He ignored the wallet and started shooting through the door.

I am not going to cast judgement here... but I wouldn't have picked this particular tactic for my own defense. I applaud the use of cover... but I am wondering why it took so long for the man to get to his weapon. I mean.. you should be able to pull your gun faster than you can pull your wallet. It seems reasonable to assume he was caught with his proverbial pants down and needed to get the bags out of his hands before he could get to his weapon.

Situational awareness people.

Pay attention.

That kid didn't just materialize. If that guy was paying better attention to his surroundings he could've seen that kid approaching. He should have seen the kid approaching.

Keep your head on a swivel folks... and know when you're in a bad spot.

And always remember... armed self defense works... and it happens every day in the US.

Thursday, August 28, 2008

Behavior Modification

Given the response to the post below... I thought I would share a legendary tale... that just happens to be true. Again... the names have been changed...

A man... and let me repeat that.. a man... agreed to go on a trip with three women... his wife... her sister... and her mother. And yes, this goes exactly how you think its going to go. At least up to a point. Which is where it gets very good indeed.

Read... and learn.

They had been in the car no more than 15 minutes when the nagging and bitching started. Over the course of the next 45 minutes... the nagging turned to just plain man bashing... and individual bashing.

After about an hour and a half... they were about to reach the outskirts of Louisville... when the Man said, "That's it. I've heard enough. I'm not going to listen to any more of this garbage."

Amazingly... they didn't stop. If anything they got worse.

The man didn't say another word. He just kept driving.

Eventually the women expressed a desire for sustanence... so... he obliged. He found a resturaunt... parked... sat down at the table with them... and listened as once again the bitching and bashing resumed.

Without a word...

The man got up... went to the car... and drove home.


He ditched them.

He left their asses 2 hours from home... in a resturaunt... with no car... and didn't even bother to tell them he was doing it. What was the aftermath?

Ask him what his wife said when she got home...

"Subject's never come up."

Ask him how he thought they would get home...

"I really didn't give a damn."

Ask him how the inlaws have treated him since...

"Well... they've been just as polite as they could be. They've been down right pleasant. Now they may be sayin' God knows what about me when I ain't around. But they don't say shit about me when I'm around."

To this day no one knows how they got home. Its assumed they rented a car... hey... they're grown women. They are capable of getting home. Some at the time expressed that if it had happened to them... they would've been really worried about him disappearing like that.

To that... I say the same thing he would likely say if you asked him. If they gave a damn they wouldn't have behaved so badly in the first place.

Now... before I go further... I don't want you to think that I think negatively at all about the women involved in this series of events. Its very easy... very easy indeed... to allow group dynamics to get out of hand. Its also easy to mistake a serious warning for an empty threat.

What I hope you folks take away from this is the lesson. Look at the way the Man handled the situation. Look at the results of his actions. Modern society teaches that this kind of action is unthinkable. To almost all of you... the actions are beyong the veil of civilization. Its an option that simply does not occur to you. I am suggesting that it should. I am also going one step further... I am telling you that not only did his actions NOT damage his relationship with the women involved... his actions improved the relationships.

You can call him anything you want.

I call him Badass.

Monday, August 25, 2008

Yipee Ki Yay

It goes without saying that, among the skills I aquired as a child, the ability to easedrop is among my most favoured. In fact... it may be the most widely used skill I possess... and never ceases to provide entertainment in the times and places such is desperately needed.

For example...

Tonight I made a run to Taco Bell... and apparently... so did the rest of the county. While waiting for our food... and mind you... when I see we.. I mean myself... and the lobby full of other folks... I did what I do. I stood facing forward.. blank faced... seemingly in my own world... secretly monitoring the conversations of everyone around me from the workers to the two chicks in the corner.

This is one bit I picked up...

Fat girl: So I guess ya feel pretty bad about Kenny?

Cute girl: Yeah.. I mean... he's hot.. but I've got a boyfriend.

Fat girl: Yeah...

Cute girl: and I don't even mind his wheel chair.. but I mean... ... how do you... I mean... I guess you just climb on.

*** Now at this point I had to look out of the corner of my eye... and I'm so glad I did. Because if I hadn't... I never would've seen the girl twirling the imaginary lasso over her head and pelvic thrusting***

Try as I might.. I couldn't keep a straight face after the fat girl realized I had heard the whole exchange. We both cracked up.... and the cute chick just buried her head in her hands on the counter.

Nate: Aww hell... don't be embarassed darlin'. Why I think its shows a class and an open mind to look past that wheel chair.

Yes... I actually managed to use the word class.

Ain't that just precious?

Reminds me of another tale... though... to protect the innocent I'll change the setting. Suffice to say that a girl was talkin' to some guys about her husband... complainin' about the man's... ummm.. bedside manner. Apparently this fella fancied himself some kinda damned romantic. As I recall she said something like this...

"He's just always so... ***shudder*** soft and gentle. He's always telling me how much he loves me and how sweet I am... and he's looking in to my eyes and petting my cheek and stuff... I mean... dammit... pull my hair! Call me a bitch! Ya know what I'm sayin'?"


We sure do baby.

We sure do.

Saturday, August 23, 2008

Brother in Need

Hey y'all. Our buddy Clay's could sure use your prayers for his family. His mother has gone to hospice and has only been given a few more days. If the way her boy turned out is any indication... the woman must be a saint.

She'll be going to that other shore... where she will meet so many old friends and family who've gone before.

May her journey be a peaceful one.

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Blue Water, Black Flag

***What follows is the first draft of the introduction. Have fun... and remeber... its the backbone draft. There is still a lot of fleshing out to do. Enjoy***

25 miles off the coast of somalia... Fikry Attallah's gastro intestinal system was in the advanced stage of rebellion. Wondering just what in the blue hell he was doin on this forsaken boat... he straightened himself up... and gargled some water from the canteen he brought.


The man shouting was Fikry's much older cousin... Muhammad. Apparently they had found their prey.

Up ahead... maybe 10 miles out was a huge yacht. Through the binoculars Fikry could see drunken bikini clad women on the upper decks. Briefly he considered that this whole kidnapping deal may be quite a bit easier than expected.

The 5 men on the small boat quickly broke out their weapons... SKS rifles and AK-47s... and took an intercept course towards the big yacht ahead. The mercruisers in the back bellowed smoke and eaisly lifted the little cruiser's bow.

As he handed Fikry his rifle... Muhammad said flatly, "Do not be afraid cousin. These people are cowards... they are bugs. They are fat and soft... pigs. Today is a good day."

It occured to Fikry that the ladies on the upper decks hadn't looked fat in his binoculars at all.

They're boat was coming up on the big yacht fast now... and the men began firing their rifles into the air and shouting threats. Just as he'd been told to expect... Fikry saw a flurry of activity on the decks of the big ship. But...

Wasn't it supposed to try to run?

It didn't appear to be running at all.

There was an explosion... wood... pain... hot... What happened?

Another massive explosion rocked their little boat... Men were running. What the hell was going on?

Suddenly it was all to clear. Their little boat was under fire! Some kind of artillery was blasting away... from the yacht???

It couldn't be...

Muhammad and two others were covered and trying to return fire... but they were hopelessly out of range for their small rifles.

***BOOM*** ***BOOM***

Two huge shots rang out... both rocking the small cabin cruiser. Fikry was nearly tossed overboard when the second hit. Two men... well... parts of two men were strewn across the bow.. and Muhammad was curled up on the deck crying.

Through the searing pain, the blood, and the smoke.. Fikry saw the giant yacht approching. Two huge weapons were now mounted... both on the bow. On the upper decks he saw two men with large bore rifles... 50 bmgs perhaps... trained on him. And flying high above... He saw a black flag flapping proudly in the wind.


The 20 millimeter lahti... the bow gun now mounted on President Davis' Revenge... sent one last shell through the ruined cabin cruiser of the somali pirates.

The crew didn't know it was Fikry's first time on a boat. Nor did they care... as they left he and his still weeping cousin to the cruel merciless sea.

Captain Tyler looked back over the sinking wreckage disappearing in the distance... and grumble to his first mate, "Dammit Curt... if we keep sinkin' em... we ain't got nothin' to sell."

"Sorry Cap'... you know SEALS are more experienced at demolition than salvage."

Tyler sighed...


"Cap'!" shouted the blonde from the fly bridge. "Sat phone! Its the company."

Curt and Tyler exchanged a knowing glance... and the old captain swore under his breath as he started to climbed up the ladder.

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

2008 Titans Preview

aka: Why The Titans will Win the AFC South

Defense: Just like the Titans... we start with the D... which by the way... is returning every single starter apart from the right defensive end. This unit will be better than last year's. Here's why... Micheal Griffin is going to wreak havoc from his saftey position. He is showing a huge jump from his rookie year. As for the missing Antwan Odom... he's been replaced with a committee that should actually be far more effective. Ford, Hayes, and Kearse will hurt people this year.

On to the Offense... where we'll have to discuss things position by position... to deal with the numerous changes.

Offensive Coordinator: This is the biggest change the Titans made and it is the reason they'll make such a big jump in the AFC South Standings. To put it midly... Norm Chow was in over his head. He simply was incapable of putting our offensive players in good positions. Heimerdinger has been there... and done that. He will give the boys a chance to make plays. He will take advantage of his players abilities. He will out scheme some teams. Norm Chow never had a prayer of such a thing.

QB: Few realize Young was playing all year with a torn quad. He's healthy... and more importantly than that... he has Heimerdinger. Young's footwork has always been an issue... and Dinger's first priority was to fix it. Young responded well. You'll see more accurate throws out of a healthy VY when he has his feat under him. Does that mean VY is going to be a great NFL QB this year? No. To be brutally honest... The Titans don't need him to be. Shocker here... Jeff Fisher has built another Defensive football team that lives and dies by running the ball and stopping the other team. There will be weeks win VY will be the highlight of the week on sportceneter. There will be other weeks when he's going to be horrible... and the Titans can still win those games based on their D and their running game.

RB: Huge addition here. The Titans now have something they haven't had in a long long time... a true home run hitter. Rookie Chris Johnson is a threat to go the distance any time... from any where. He's an excellent reciever... plus he's got pass protection skills. Lendale will still get the majority of the carries... but Johnson will be lined up in the backfield with him... or out wide as a reciever. Johnson is going to make this offense exciting. He'll do what everyone thought Reggie Bush would do for the Saints.

O-Line: We lost both guards... but if you know anything about the Titans you know that they have the deepest, best coached O-line stable in the NFL. This line will be better than it was last year. Its plain nasty.

TE: Another huge addition here... Alge Crumpler has arrived... to finally give VY the safety net that McNair always had in Wychek. He's a huge target... and he's savy.

WR: So far its the Justin and Justin show... but Brandon Jones has really come on in the last few weeks. Frankly this group just isn't that important to the Titans grand scheme. If they make some plays great... but the Titans win with D and the running game. I suspect we'll see some improved production just based on the presence of Dinger.


The Titans will be better in all phases of the game. They will have an explosive offense coupled with a tyranical defense. When its all said and done in the AFC South... the Titans will be the last team standing.

Thursday, August 14, 2008

On Vacation

Sorry... I've been at the beach all week... and most of last week. I'll not be back until monday apparently...

Now... excuse me... I have to catch a boat... Nate's goin' deep sea fishin'!

Tuesday, August 05, 2008

Oh no, He'll Not Need Them Again

Early in the morning before the Battle of Franklin... Major General Patrick Cleburne rode the lines... encouraging his men. At some point he came upon a Captain... and noticed the man was barefoot... and his feet were bleeding and sore. Cleburne called to the man...

"Captain... will you kindly pull off my boots?" The man was suprised... but did as his commanding officer ordered.

"Thank you Captain... now will you mind trying them on? See if they fit you."

The captain did this also.

Once the man was wearing the boots... Cleburne mounted his horse and said, "Captain I am tired of wearing those boots. I would do well without them." The captain and his men protested of course... but Cleburne would hear none of it... he simply rode away.

Cleburne was killed in battle that day... and was removed from the field in the same condition he left the captain.

It is said... though I have never been able to confirm it so... that Cleburne was buried with without boots... and that all the officers present were also barefoot.

Sunday, August 03, 2008

A Timely Quote You've Never Heard:

"The honest masses should've remembered that when scheming leaders abandon principle, and adopt the ideas of dreamers and fanatics, the ladder on which they would mount to power is one on which they cannot return, and up which it would be a fatal delusion to follow."

- 1868 Jefferson Davis. From his work: The Rise and Fall of the Confederate Government
On This Day:

- 216 BC Hannible defeated the Romans at Cannae. One of the worst defeats Rome ever suffered.

- 47 B.C. Caesar defeated Pharnaces at Zela = "Veni, vidi, vici."

- 31 B.C. Actium - Octavian defeats Antony

- 1862 - The Confederate ironclad Arkansas was ordered south to Baton Rouge to support operations there. If you haven't read about the Arkansas... you're missing out. I've blogged on it.

Friday, August 01, 2008

ATF... The FUUFF Edition

I'm a little pissed off to night... so I'm drinkin a little old school jack. Not the swill they sell now... the real stuff.. the 90 proof from 20 years ago.

Yes. I have some... for a while anyway...

Anyway.. I'm pissed. Ya know why? No Smoking. That's why.

186230 new cases of prostate cancer show up every year.

Where the hell are you morons putting your cigarettes anyway???

Cigarettes go in your mouth dumbass!! Not up your butt!

What? That's not where prostate cancer comes from? Really? Well I'll be damned... Next thing you know we'll find out that second hand smoke doesn't actually do a damned thing. Oh wait...

And if that ain't enough... I''ve got people whining... crying.. telling me I'm to extreme on gun rights. "Don't talk about rebellion!!!"


Does it scare you? Does it scare you to know that there are people out there that will kill you if you screw up bad enough????


Because it will keep you on good behavior.

I'm pissed... leave me the hell alone...


Tuesday, July 29, 2008

What a Waste...

I ask you... what good is a California earthquake if it doesn't kill any Californians? None. All the whining... none of the oh so satisfying body bags.

The World I Have to See...

There are certain places I just have to visit. Like my eldest brother... I have an urge to go places... and see things. Thats what makes a Pirate after all. I've been thinking about this lately... its been on my mind. So be patient while I organize a list.

1) Antarctica: Not necessarily my dream vacation... but an antarctic cruise is fascinating to me. The Last Continent is like another world. Definately one of the ultimate Family Adventure Vacations. A 10 to 18 day cruise would do the trick for me.

2) Lake Baikal: This is the world's largest fresh water like by volume. It holds a staggering 20% of all the fresh water on the planet... at least in liquid form. Baikal is said to be a Fairy Land... locals say fairys are drawn from all over the world to see its beauty and to commune with the visitors. The legend says that one such fairy met a man named Baikal... and fell in love with him. They traveled all over the lake together... but the man was insecure. He was afraid his humaness was a flaw that could not be overcome... and one day he left. The fairy searched all over for him... and when she found him... she cut off his feet... so he could never run away again. Yes... I want to go to Siberia to see a lake.

3) Kolyma Highway: You likely have no idea why I'd want to see a highway... but bear with me.. and I'll tell you about the Road of Bones. Uncle Joe Stalin decided he needed a road between Yakutsk and Magadan. It was built by prisoners... in likely the most cruel form of forced labor the world has known. It is said that each meter of road cost one human life. The ground was frozen so hard.. the corpses couldn't be buried... so they were actually used as ballast in the construction of the road itself. So as you travel the road... you are literally moving over the cadavers of those that died building it. The ruins of the old gulags and forced labor camps can be seen along the road... and the memorial to the dead up in Magadan is something I need to visit. Its roughly a 1240 mile trip by motorcycle.

4) Lake Toba: The worlds highest lake... in Sumatra. Its also the world's largest volcanic lake... and a source of some rather outlandish speculation.

5) Isreal: For a Christian... surely this needs little explaination.

6) Egypt: Hot Air Ballooning over the Pyramids. Yes.

7) The Amazon: duh.

8) Saif ul Muluk: Its only accessible by a jeep road... or 6 hour hike during the summer months. Permanant ice blocks... multiple glaciers... Another lake of legendary beauty.

9) Alpamayo: This is arguably the most striking mountain in all the world. When I think "mountain"... Alpamayo is what I see in my head... this has been the case since I was a child... long before I even knew Alpamayo existed.

10) Jenny Lake: Grand Tetons. Again... Duh.

11) Mount Kailash: Arguably this is the most religiously significant mountain in the world to non christians. It is said that if one should walk all the way around it one time... all sins and transgressions are absolved. Pilgrims come from all over the world. Me? I just want to see the 22,000 foot tall black rock. The Himalayas... nuff said.

12) Glacier Lake National Park: Duh.

Its occured to me that I don't have enough time to even describe these places the way they deserve... the obvious ones don't need much description though. If I have the time... I'll write more about each one... and of course... there are countless more to add to the list.

Monday, July 28, 2008

I Wish This Was a Joke

But its not.

Seriously. If you saw that on the Onion... you'd chuckle. But see... its not the Onion... so you just shake your head... and perhaps hope the good Lord comes soon.
Yet Another Reason...

The Titans rock.

So Sunday the Tennessean (local Nashville rag) did a 5-questions thing with Titans players. The last question was "McCain or Obama?"

Of the 7 players quoted... 2 said Obama.

5 said neither.

Saturday, July 19, 2008

Submission: Poopoplata

It seems that more and more we hear of folks training MMA as a hobby. I suggest humbly that the more common this becomes... the more we're going to be reading articles that say things like this:

In Saturday's match against Corey Wethey, Mitchell struck his opponent so hard that Wethey lost control of his bowels. The incident required a 10-minute intermission while officials scrubbed down the ring. Mitchell went on to win the fight by Wethey's disqualification.

The fight -- the seventh of the night - began like any other. Mitchell and Wethey left their corners, tapped gloves and traded punches. After landing a knee to Wethey's body, Mitchell said he began to smell something foul.As the fight prolonged, Mitchell said the smell continued to worsen. Eventually, he removed his mouth piece and expressed his concerns to the ring official.

"He shit himself," Mitchell said repeatedly.

It was at that point Wethey gained the advantage and locked Mitchell's head between his thighs.As the round progressed, news about Wethey's intestinal difficulties slowly made its way to the ring officials, who were at a loss of what to do.

Yes. You read that correctly. Mitchell kneed Wethey so hard he shat himself. Right there in the ring... in front of God and everybody. Look... its one thing to crap yourself because you refused to tap and got choked out. I mean.. its still horrible.. and you'll still be mocked forever... but taking a knee to the gut and involuntarily dropping a load?

For some reason I imagine a stunned ref running around screaming "CODE BROWN!!! CODE BROWN!!!!!!"

Anyway... After reading this I find myself shocked that Tito Ortiz didn't shit himself after taking that knee from Machida.


Monday, July 14, 2008


A wise man observed:

So, the dominoes are starting to topple, and you've got nothing to sayabout it? Is it because you're packing your bags?

I'm busier than the proverbial one legged man in an ass kickin' contest. Feel free to draw your own conclusions. While you're at it though... I'll point out that if you haven't already done so... you better consider liquidating your CDs as much as possible... cash under mattress ain't earnin' interest... on the other hand... it ain't disappearing into thin air either.

Silver... Gold... Ammo... Food.

You need these things.

If you can... you need to be figuring out a way to make some electricity... or provide for yourself without it. Save your pennies as much as you can. In time... everything is gonna be cheap as hell.. because no one is gonna have shit.

If you do have saved... and you can protect what you have... you'll have your whole county by the short hairs people.

Remember the golden rule. Him what has the gold... makes the rules.


I'll be watching from afar.